21 June 2010

To Be a Woman

To be a woman is to be sensitive to another woman.

Since last June when I chose to work as a freelance trainer, & spend more time at home, I’ve had the strange misfortune of being around other ‘aunties’ / housewives. This is a rare species, I tell you. People say, “Woman is woman’s worst enemy”. I second that. And these aunties are the reason.

Ghareloo aunties are so negative about other women, it’s shocking & absolutely disgusting. They will criticize other women indiscriminately, particularly if she is a working woman. Whether it’s her dress, career, life-style, the way she raises her child, everything is put under a cruel scanner. Instead of appreciating her hard work & the fact that she goes out & works to support her family, they bitch around saying,

Her husband isn’t earning enough I think, so she also has to work”.
Or, “See, how she runs to office. Wonder what attraction is there in her office for her to hurry so?”
If a woman disciplines her child, they say,
Look, how harsh she’s with the poor child. What kind of mother she is?
If she lets her child play with the neighborhood children, they are quick to retort, “See, she is not bothered at all where her child goes. She sends her away on the road while she sits like a maharani & watches T.V”

CHEAP! CHEAP! CHEAP! That’s the only thing that comes to my mind. Ah yes…a small letter too!

Dear Shameless Aunties,

Stop belittling other women. They may be imperfect but you are downright dirty. Your own insecurities & unfulfilled desires prompt you to attack them.

You are jealous of them. You envy their independence, their confidence in going out to face the world head on, and their obvious freedom to choose & make their own decisions.

You are stuck in your little world of cooking & cleaning kitchens & bathrooms. You find no escape from your slave-like existence. You grudge others their movement. Your resentment has filled your heart & sullied it.

God save you!

Blacklisted’ Women (blacklisted by you)


  1. Its true Suji,they dont only put down working women but bitch slap even other housewives.Its a constant competetion,they always being the winners and you are looked at with such scrutiny 24/7.I being childless always get to hear - "Ah ! what work does she have..no kids to cook for or deal with!","Ah,she has a lot of free time to sit online...we dont have time to breathe even!"or the best being," they have no kids,they save a whole lot of money...wo tho aesh karti hai "...I see one finger print and go all paranoid and satrt cleaning the whole house all over again...the amount of time i dedicate to keep everything perfect.Their homes will be so messy but their excuse being we have tons of things to do..cant sit doing just one thing..Makes me always wanna say go get a life and stop envying others coz they can do thing s and manage time and space and life better than you.

  2. Very nicely written. Factual.gr8 post.

  3. @Suzaan: i can understand...

    @sush: thank you.

  4. Gossip makes women feel better than their 'subject', well at least momentarily before insecurity grips them again. As long as gossip is harmless, it is fine, but barbs and brickbats surely are the most negative things ever. Good post.

  5. Superb post...and I wish I could post this letter on the notice board of my society;)

  6. this has all the trappings of a saas-bahu serial !

  7. @zephyr: yes.sometimes it hurts real bad even though we know we shouldn't really care

    @Hemant: hahha...u r most welcome to do that :)

    @Gyanban: yup it sure does :)

  8. May be it is the frustation with their own lives - all hard work done for studying, gone waste, feeling devalued and taken for granted ..

  9. HI Sujatha,
    I very much loved your post!!
    Hope your voice heals those aunties :)

  10. So agree with what you said. There was once a programme on the telly Ma Exchange.. and without an exception, it was the housewives who actively went out to look for problems in the working woman's life. They cann't accpet the fact that a woman can work and be a great mom/wife. Oh and BTW I'm a SAHM... but I'd hate to fall in the 'gharelu' category you talked about. Wonder why we can never go with 'To each his own'. I know plenty of housewives who spend time just cooking/feeding/bathing their kids.. Oh that's important I know but how about talking/playing/connecting with them too? This is turning into a blogspot.. sorry.. but you touched a raw nerve.

  11. Great observation about the layers of life that lurk in the happenings of everyday.

  12. wow... well written, nice execution...
    well... this is the reality of our society, where only woman is bitching about another woman... n they call it Gossips...
    n only she is the who can save the others...
    hope n wish to get saved... :)
    n can save others also...

  13. truely describe the thinking of women live at house bec they have to pass their time in these gossips.nice post

  14. @Sunil: yes Sir those could be few of the reasons. housewife's work is the most taken for granted &under-appreciated

    @Varshu: haha.... doubt about my post's healing powers Varshu :))

    @Obsessivemom: what an observation! Yes I too watched 2 episodes of Maa Exchange - Pooja Bedi's was one. D other lady was busy trying to make things look ugly. i hated it when she tried to spoil the kids' minds. n was so proud of Aalia when she firmly stood up for her mother.

    yes being a mother doesnt end with bathing & feeding. true. absolutely.

    @Neeraj: thank u Neeraj. thanks for dropping by my blog & posting your views

    @Pooja: sach baat - only we women can do something about ths situation

    @Santosh: some time-passes hurt

  15. that's true,

    they are really free at house, not knowing what to do,so they keep on backbiting all the time.

    For woking women life is really challenging.

    I salute working women

  16. @Gowardhan: glad u understand the plight of a working woman...managing home & career isn't easy

  17. An empty mind is a devil's workshop as they say! Its not about working women or homemakers...its about respecting those around us and understanding that life isnt served on a platter to anybody!
    and very aptly as u said ' to be a women is to be sensitive to other women' in a positive way ofkors :))


  18. @sarah: yes, thats right, if we are minds/hands are occupied, we don't waste time running down others. thanks for coming by my blog. c u more often

    @chitra: :)) u agree! m glad!
    first time here? welcome! come again!

  19. after reading your womanliest post all I can say is 'Woman is woman’s worst enemy'.

    Thanks for sharing

  20. @Tauseef: hahah womanliest post...that's a new one!!

  21. beautiful post Sujatha :) very well written...

    My whole time goes in searching for jobs... when I get tired of it I blog and will be online in fb etc chatting.. So even being a housewife for the time being, I am not of that kind.. The main problem they have is
    1. they have plenty of time.
    2. Idle mind is a devil's workshop.
    Plus the serials just add to it.

  22. True...they are so orthodox thinkers not ready to accept the ablity and power of working woman to balance office and home... Proud to be a working girl...

  23. @Preethika: right, when we keep ourselves creatively busy, then we dont feel need to gossip/criticize others. blogging is definitely a far more better use of time :)

    @Sivapaurnami: Welcome here, working girl! it is a struggle to manage both worlds & we women are doing a gr8 job :)

  24. feel nice to know all about women....

  25. @Pempa: well, my pleasure u learnt some more about women :)

  26. Glad I read your post - this is one issue which women seldom talk about: bitch, bitch, bitch!!!

  27. @Manreet: ya quite a touchy topic ;(

  28. Absolutely agree with your. Great post. From what I have observed though (I'm a 20 yr old, not an auntie), these aunties bitch about absolutely every woman in the building: working or not. Though yes, working women have it worst.

    I hope this sort of attitude ends soon.

  29. @nothing: thank you. yes, hope the attitude ends & yes everybody is a target

  30. Hi I saw ur post through Indi blogger... I must say u hit the nail on its head... I once lived in Kolkata as a kid and all i saw the aunties of my colony do was bitching and gossping about who's daughter wears what clothes and whose kid is dating / enjoying with whom?? What kind of fish is cooking at whose place... I was disgusted... My mother was a working women (working in the bank which provided us those quarters/houses)... and hence I never saw my mother have the time or interest to gossip... and i also saw how those aunties were jealous of her being independent and progressive... i decided very early at that age that come what may I will be an independent working women like my mom (who i respect for everything including the fact that i have never seen her gossiping or poking nose in other's lives)..

    Nice Post... I am Proud to be a women who got the opportunity to be born and raised the way that I have the independence and courage to make my own decisions.... liked ur blog... :)

    1. yes, i am proud to be a woman too and prouder still that i was raised by a woman who worked hard to run her house.

  31. I too blog at times... Pls go through it if u feel like


    1. i will definitely visit your space. in fact i am doing that right now :)