06 August 2011

To Me, With Love

Who hasn’t been at the receiving end of unsolicited advice from well-meaning aunts & uncles? I am sure all of us, growing up, have been advised by pesky relatives. The ‘why did you do this/’, ‘that is so bad’, ‘good girls don’t do that’, ‘stop doing this’, ‘do it this way’, the endless list of their uncalled for Do’s & Don’ts. Is there anyone at all who has ever escaped this phase of growing up unscathed by their sermons? I didn’t.

But the irony is, now that I’m on the other side of 30, I’m ready to give it too!! But hey, no, not to you! I’m sure you guys are all mature, wise, smart, intelligent, politically & socially correct, good, & righteous people (did I go too far?!). Well, the advice is meant only for me, a younger me, me at 16, sweet 16, if you may. So, here I go:

Dear Suji,
That’s what everyone at home calls you except your younger brother who calls you Sujiakka which said fast becomes suyiakka (suyi for needle) & I know you hate it when it sounds like that. Fret not, once he is all grown up he’ll just call you by your full name!

The year is 2011. And I am 34. This number gives me a privilege to bestow upon you all my learning. [Please don’t smirk at this. I know you’ll or already are. FYI (for your info), I DID learn a few things along the way]. Remember, these advices are meant only as a guide, so that you can ride the roller-coaster that is life, a little more smoothly, a little more confidently.

Let’s tackle the ‘serious’ issues first:

Number 1: Pls don’t cry so much. I see Tanvi crying for the silliest of reasons today (& sometimes for no reason at all) & I so hate you for passing on your ‘weepy’ genes to her. You’ve no idea how difficult it is to console a forever crying kid. You may yourself call her “cry-baby”. So, PLS in Christ’s name, DON’T CRY. It never has and never will solve anything.

Number 2: Please don’t worry so much, especially about your finances. You’ll always work (yes, even when, for a brief period, you don’t want to!) & that means, you’ll always be financially independent. I know this is your biggest fear. Don’t you worry, you’ll always have enough money to shop/eat/travel (within India), & generally enjoy life. Also, don’t lose sleep over your savings. It’s in your nature to save, & then, go right ahead and, spend what you saved. But since, you spend it on the good things of life, CHILL.

Number 3: Pls don’t be so nice to all the people all the time. Some people deserve shit. Give them what they deserve.
Ignore the people who try to bring you down or talk down to you. Overlook your relatives & neighbors who comment on everything. And while you’re at it, TO HELL WITH some of your school friends. They’ll never appreciate you. So stop trying.

Now for the trivial ones:

1. Stop wearing those matching earrings, neck chains, bags & clothes.
2. Eat curd. Not because people find it odd that you don’t but because it’s really good for your skin & those hateful pimples that seem to simply love you.
3. Identify & eat all vegetables or at least the ones you grow in your own land.

4. Learn to cook, at least your mother’s famous fish curries. You’ll surely miss her combination of bangda fish curry with ladies finger sabji & live to regret that you didn’t take the trouble nor had the interest to learn it.

To end on a good note: Continue to read the many books you read. I’m amazed that you even read the piece of paper that is used to wrap peanuts. That’s how voracious a reader you are. Good for you. That’s what will one day help you write this letter & maybe even blog about it! :)

Love you


  1. very true, no one has perhaps escaped from these sort of advices at some point of life.....

    and some of them does deserve otherwise so its never needed to be kind to just anyone n every one.....

    nice read sujatha...:))

  2. @Irfanuddin: that was FAST! i was still uploading images n u had already put in a comment. thanks :)

  3. lol...nice one...

    some people deserve shit...that's a nice advice :)


  4. :) Good advice. I did get carried away by the pictures of fish curry. Also, I did not know curd was good for skin.

  5. The best advice is to ignore people who seem bent on irritating you, for soon seeing that you don't care will make them shift their frustrations on some other bakra.

  6. I just can not stand when people advise me. I hate it. Criticism is fine, but advise, hell no :|

    I actually never followed any advise as far as I remember...But yeah, I know what you did with the post. I too wish could go back in time and teach myself some stuff....


  7. Advices hate it unless I'm giving it.....but what you said above does not seem like advice it seemed like some piece of friend to friend talk ....and yea no matter what age were we have surely given some advice to our people like friends, siblings cousins even our parents for that matter at some point or the other, so take the good part of it and chuck it if you don't like it was my Mantra

  8. @SUB: kya karen! glad u liked it :)

    @Nona: yup. i've had countless # of ppl advicing me to eat curd to solve my acne prob.
    And Mangalorean(coastal town of Karnataka - a state in d south of India) fish curry IS definitely drool-worthy :)

    @rama: i know...no shortages of bakras for these eager types

    @Chintan: now dat i've seen some of ur snaps....i totally get it when u say that :)

    @Bhavna: glad it seemed more like friend to friend talk ...yup at some point we do give/take advice - like it or not

  9. hahahaha sujatha I loved the letter thing really..it was sweet and advice number one made me smile..so you used to cry a lot when you were 16...lolz..I guess we all cry a lot that time..simple, sensitive that we are at that phase...and I loved the rest of the letter too..that kinda gave me an idea to write a letter to maself too..but i will wait to get the other side of 30 first...cheers...keep writing..*hugs*

  10. @Mishi: ya me was a big weepy bag :( back then! i wonder how my parents tolerated me :)

  11. that was a fine bit of introspection!
    creatively put!

  12. Arre my comment vanished! Oh yes, we all indulge in unsolicited advice once in a while. I, on my part, try to keep it solicited. And, it does get my goat when those less knowledgeable dole out advice, and the only reason I keep quiet is due to lack of inclination to launch into lengthy conversations. Nice post and the trivial advices were funny.

  13. @magiceye: at age 34 introspection r due, dont u think? thanks for ur comments :) c u more often

    @Rachna: i know - sometimes, muttering a 'hmmm' is better than lengthy talks

    i hate it when comments vanish! i find it hard to remember wht i just wrote & rewriting ur thots again...uhh. so thanks 4 taking d trouble to write all over again dear :)

  14. The older you advising the wide eyed 16 year old - and even if we could how many would take it seriously :)

    Really liked the premise of the post.

  15. Hey that was a nice piece of advise. Learn cooking - very very true. Don't cry - hmmm why should we?

    loved your way of putting your views across the table. Nice one :)

  16. I never did what I was asked to for a long long time,that could be from dress choices to love and marriage.Like my mom said,I was built to do exactly the opposite of what I was told.I did a lot of crying when I was bullied as a teen,for maybe a year and by my folks for their attitude problem.The only thing I sort of but not fully regret,is learning how to cook a few dishes from my mom.When it comes to advice,I have been shelling them out coz I was the oldest among siblings,so for a first born,it kind of is very natural to give bhashan around for free.

  17. @Purba: nobody would. isi liye m advising myself hahha

    @Ashwini: thanks Ashwini. u must love cooking n must cook pretty well too...guessing from ur "very very true" comment

    @Suzy: "natural for 1st born to giv bhashan" - hahah ya guess so with all dat responsibility & taking care of younger ones
    m so happy u put ur thots here. even if it's a word, it still means a lot to me. u know, i survived on it for an entire year :)

  18. my dad use to say

    and i follow it to the last word, if i need advice i ask.. No harm in asking .. But yeah i dont like people saying it all the time .. yes give advice but dont expect it to be taken up give the other person a change to grasp it too :)

    But i liked what u said dont cry YES I spent a lot of time in school crying as i was bullied a lot and had a bad time .. maybe now thats the reason i dont cry ...

    learn to cook NOW that is excellent :)

    You take care and smileeeeee :)


  19. @mannbikram: aapke dad sahi kehte the...karo apni.
    didnt know u had a bad time in school. me too...i dont cry easy now...finished my quota long back :)
    u take care too Biggg B

  20. @sm: thank u! glad it made u laugh :)

  21. That advice about learning recipes from the mom, rang a bell of regret even in my head.

  22. @Sunil: really? u too? i mean, men usually aren't expected to cook.

  23. That rang a bell, alarm bells actually, but no, although I have plenty of nephews and nieces your age, I don't think I have been guilty of giving unsolicited advice. Enjoyed the post and noted for future.....keep writing and that's a serious bit of advice from an uncle type:)

  24. @Satish: hahahahah....aapka advice sarakhon par Sirji :)

  25. Liked what mannbikram said,Sun sabki,karo apni.A very good advice.Nah! Suji...I get advice from everyone,some worth lsitening to and using it in life and some just plain senseless.Oldies have very good advice to give..their experiences give an insight into their lives and thus be able to make a better choice for yourself someday when u'll need it.I usually listen when someone says,it happened to me and blank out when someone says you should try this or that..

  26. @Suzy: ya some ppl with their unique life experiences have an insight into things.
    in my case, its usually the tone that puts me off

  27. The same question made me do a lil blogging! :]

    It's a new world out here, the blog world :]


  28. @Ifra: good for you :)
    yes it IS a new world out here. m discovering it too. will visit ur blog today

  29. Hi Sujatha!

    haha 34!(hmm but u dont seem like that)dats why ur bro call u suyiakka! :) okk..u do not like that so leave it.. ;)

    Enjoyed reading ur post..(as it always happens)

    while I was reading this,'ha let me see,how far we both match'

    The very first one...about crying made me laugh...hehe I cry in silence...cry for silly reasons..sometimes for no reason...but my tears will not be visible to others ;) :)

    And all the other things except fish curry...suit me too..

    Nice read :)

  30. That was a sneaking a bit inside. I loved the way you have said. Looks so honest!
    There is a lot to think about myself. I remembered reading your post!
    And yes! I am happy that you broke the steel of statement ' Woman loves to hide her age!' :D (Hope you have rightly put :P)

  31. @Gowthami: crying in silence is even more deadly dear, so dont do that (oops did i just advice u?)
    oh so we match on many things, happy to know dat coz usually Capricorn (u) & Aquarians (me) don't!

    @Sahana: hey of course dat's the right age.koi shak? u remembered to think abt urself from this post hahah so we've made a good start here: shubh aarambh :)

  32. glad that you visited :]

    follow me, too :D

  33. I remember my dad who once gently gave me an idea to save all the advices received in 'advice bank' and when you need use one likewise .That helped me sail through eight long years of infertility problem -- i received some of the weirdest advices during that period .Like Aamir says 'All iz well' i used to say 'advice bank' 'advice bank'!
    I believe in health benefits of curd consumption and also in learning mom's cooking.Enjoyed my time here reading your post Sujatha :):)

  34. @kavita: oh u r finally here! missed u! i saw u on Rachna's, Nona's & Ashwini's pages & u hadnt cum visint me yet, i was like, "did she forget me? shud i knock on her doors?" but hey u dint 4get me :))) i know i sound desperate but i really kind of like some ppl reading me. ONE of dem is U:)

    advice bank: hmmm how abt stealing ur dad's idea & me doing it for Tanvi my 5 yr old doter? cant leave her with much of "cash bank" advice shud do d trick hehehhe

  35. Lovely post...loved your blog as well...added you to my indiblogger network.. :-)

  36. @AAD: welcome to my blog! n thanks for ur sweet words. i will chk u out on indi too :)
    btw, d 1st thing i did after reading ur comment was go 2 ur blog to see ur name. AAD ??

  37. Hey, sujatha, my name is anjali....AAD are my initials...thanks for checking my blog out... :-)

  38. Thank you Sathya,

    I am glad that, my blog had made it to your versatile blogger.


  39. @Gowardhan: definitely Sir, u write on a wide range of topics/issues...thats y versatile blogger...i like reading ur blog very much

  40. Thanks Sujatha, your token of appreciation is permanently placed on my blog...:)Please check...

  41. Some people really deserve shit :)

    Thanks a ton for reminding me :P, I've been too nice all this while :)

    Love :)

  42. @Saru: my pleasure Saru :)

    @Serendipity: being too nice is sometimes a prob as i've realized. but for ppl like u & me its difficult to give bak as gud as we get, though we know we should ;)

  43. Do & Don't are like Ghar Ghar ki kahani.....They are elder to us and they are more experienced then us. So they always want to cure us from silly mistakes and that harm us lot. From that instruction no one can escape that's true but I also don't like to escape from. Even in future when we become parents we will also do the same.....That is necessary..

    Read this hope you can understand what I want to say : "http://lovelyharshal.wordpress.com/2011/04/21/me-my-parents-story-of-every-home/"

  44. @Harshal: sure will catch ur post. today. pakka

  45. Hi Sujatha...Inspired by ur blogs...I have written a blog ...though a short one...have a look at it and tell me how it is :-)

    And...can you suggest some topics on which I can blog :-)

  46. @Pradeep: i was wondering who is this "the_hunk"? n then i chkd ur blog n realized it was u Pradeep :)

  47. Ha ha. Yes yes, How can I ever forget the advice which people so benevolently offered, even when not required :-)
    ANd I like one specific point, Don;t be good to all coz some deserve just Shit. Very true.
    Nice viewpoint Sujatha :)

  48. @Ashwini: well i learnt that lesson (dont b gud to all) many times, the hard way :(

  49. Life teaches us some of the best lessons, the hard way, right? I've been there too.

  50. @Ashwini: it does. and when we least expect it . ;0

  51. LOL.. a nice read.. "Pls don’t be so nice to all the people all the time. Some people deserve shit. Give them what they deserve." 200% agree. I tell this to myself most of the time that certain people don't deserve a nicer YOU... You gotta give that damn!!

  52. @Anand: well put - a nicer You. it took me so long to realize this :)

  53. completely agree with this.. 'Stop wearing those matching earrings, neck chains, bags & clothes.' heehee! for me.. sometimes it was even matching chappals and nail polish :D
    very good post... :)

  54. @Shruthi: thank you Shruthi :)
    chappals too matching? hehe

  55. Some people does deserve shit. Good advice. :D
    I wish to learn to read as much as you do. I have developed the habit to read only recently. Needs to be more frequent at it. :)

    1. yeah Akshay reading is a must. anything & everything :).
      and i am sure you will stick on to it from here on

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