07 January 2012

If I Met My Ex

I had no topic to write on. Over a year & a half into blogging, I finally suffered from a serious case of the infamous writer’s block. Then, I read this news bit in Femina: “When singer Taylor Swift ran into her ex, Twilight hunk Taylor Lautner, she chose to sit next to him. They were even laughing & making fun of each other through the evening”. And I thought to myself, I can totally see myself doing that. If ever! Of course, much to the discomfort of everyone else I’m sure; most particularly his wife Jenny, my ex’s that is.

I broke up with Binu but was still in touch with him for over a year or two after that. He had mailed me about his marriage & sent photos when his daughter was born. In spite of parting ways & marrying different people, 6 years on, the one truth that we can never deny is the fact we were each other’s first love. The other is that we were both self-made, came up in life the hard way, saw lots of ups & downs, in our careers & personal life, & through it all, saw each other grow & prosper.

So, if we ever run across each other, I know that I’d definitely talk to him. I don’t think I could hold myself back! I’d be more than happy to catch up on our lives. I’d ask him about his job, but mostly about Chachan & Ammachi. I’d wish him well with his family & his life, I’d ask him about the car we bought together which he kept (!), about what happened to my favorite bean bags which he refused to part with even though that was the only thing I wanted & almost begged for; which is funny because I had bought them & yet he never gave it to me (!). And most definitely, I’d chat & play with his lovely daughter. I’d be curious to know how he feels as a father. What has fatherhood meant to him knowing that he loves children so much? Sathya considers children a big nuisance, & if a kid ever makes contact with him, which would be by mistake or a majboori, he’ll ensure the kid leaves in a pool of tears. That is the extent to which he’d have harassed the poor chap by making some of his smart-ass comments. Oops, I digressed!

Speaking of Sathya, I’d love to meet his exes & watch his reactions & mannerisms around them now. He has this cutest smile whenever he remembers his interesting past & I want to see the kind of smile he has when he sees one of them. What will he talk to them about? What will he say? His first GF’s house is behind Cauvery theatre & when we were dating; he had pointed it out to me once. And after that, every single time we pass by, he never fails to steal a glance & I never fail to catch him in the act & we laugh about it. I tease him saying, “Haan! You are seeing if she is there?” And he’ll say, “Arey she is married I think by now. Anyways it was so long ago”. I like the sheepish grin he sports at those times. (As long as it is restricted to the grin, I’m fine. Nahi toh I will devour him alive!!)

But he is so good at camouflaging his emotions; it’d be pretty hard to get a “controversial” look from him. He is an expert at pretending that he is not excited or moved by what he is seeing. His heart may be doing multiple somersaults at accidentally spotting his old GF someplace but his face won’t betray a single ounce of the emotion. Me? I’d act like a lunatic & it’d easily take two people to tie me down & control my excitement. You should actually see me when I, by chance, meet someone after a long time especially someone I was fond of. I am a circus.

Wonder how it is for people to run across someone whom they once loved but separated on a bitter note & now to sit or see or face that same person after ages once again! It depends, I guess, on how you parted ways. If it was a betrayal of trust or a very violent & messy break-up, then obviously one can’t really cozy up to the person. Maybe some would most surely run for cover or in the opposite direction. And there might be those who would find any unexpected meeting with their ex the most excruciatingly painful of their days; like rubbing both salt & pepper on their still fresh wounds.


Footnote: I had to put this footnote because i read the first set of the responses i received and realized I came out all wrong in this post! For the first time!

Please note that I'm not talking about having an affair or rekindling an earlier relationship AT ALL. All I'm saying is IF i ever happen to meet my ex, say in a restaurant, in a mall, on the road, in a theater,wherever, I'll not hide or run for cover. I'll talk, exchange pleasantries & move on. That's it.

God, I hope you guys don't think I'm thinking of going back to my ex. NO WAY! It's a closed chapter.


  1. ITs really great to have such a relation with your ex.. I really respect people who break up and yet be cordial. Personally I do not think I can do that..

  2. @Maithili: we have lost contact over the years but i am sure both of us will be cordial.

    yeah,i understand when you say you may not be able to do that

  3. The greatest enemies will be, people who were friends once, who were partners once.
    Hard to digest such things happening in India, India is Globalized i convince myself.

    Never heard such thing, only in movies i have seen especially and much in hollywood films.
    i can say ALL FOR GOOD like Yin-Yang!

  4. @Deepak: whether in India or elsewhere in the world, the same things happen everywhere only difference is in the level of openness

    thanks for your comment Deepak and on your very first visit here

  5. I have had no ex.But personally I feel when a relationship is broken and a new one has entered into one's life, it is best to give up on the ex.It is difficult to forget the happy moments but a break was necessitated due to some reason.A platonic friendship is possible but it is prone to complicate matters sometimes as there are four people involved instead of two earlier.A very tricky thing that needs to be handled with caution and abundant honesty.

  6. well it is tough to cozy up to someone after a break up irrespective of the reason( however trivial or betrayal of the worst kind) - my only experience has been with a very close buddy and after many years, jab we met, though there was bonhomie, that original spark was missing - maybe an affair is a different ball game, altogether!
    Kudos to you for foraying into a danger zone- honest and forthright I guess ;)

  7. Parting ways cordially is a really difficult thing to do and it really shows the maturity and I admire you for that. It depends on the situation and different people have different takes on this. But I feel that it is good to be friends after (if possible that is :)) as it justifies the times and moments that were shared during the good times.

  8. No comments....dont know what to say...but agree most of them run for covers a i have seen it.

  9. I think its truly precious to have a cordial relationship with you ex, coz I think not many would be that lucky. :)

    I truly respect you for having the courage to even talk about it after so many years with such honesty. :)

  10. i respect ur writings.. it is very honest...

  11. I really don't believe in 'just good friends' policy with an ex..because if at all there was anything good & interesting in that relationship then it wouldn't be called 'ex'...moreover as u mentioned it may be uncomfortable for the respective spouses...

    But coming back to ur post..it requires a very high level of maturity in all the parties involved to showcase respect towards each other..and currently i am jealous of that maturity in you :D :D

  12. Very interesting to read. :)

  13. I don't need to run into him suddenly, it'll be planned instead if needed. Wonder if all the break-ups don't end up as long lasting memory of good times spent. Good to know your predicted reactions about your ex and that of your husband's :-)

  14. I know for a fact that its filled with awkwardness,most just run and hide away or else just choose to ignore totally.I even know that their presents are not a fan when they happen to realise the past has been just spotted.I liked the fact that you can be rbave enough to write up,But i dont think his present would be all chuckles.Its a woman thing.

  15. Agree, if the parting is amicable, one can still be friends but also one need to be matured about it! Infact that would demand maturity from all 4 people, else bringing 'ex' in present is a recipe for trouble.

  16. break up is nothing but telling someone - 'you are not required anymore' irrespective of how u parted way. so i wud rather cherish some of the great moments i shared with that person rather than transforming it into an ordinary one. even while u r talking to that person or having a laugh, u know deep down that things r not same anymore, and it can hurt. but that's my perspective and i m always wrong. end of the day it all depends on how u look at things :D. dunno i m confused now :D

  17. takes guts to write so honestly about your past.not many people can do that.so BRAVO! *slow clap* i read it somewhere 'people you meet in your life leave a part of themselves with you' .. guess this cements the statement :)

  18. hmmm interesting , you are a god person ..

    but i think and Ex is for a reason, especially if the breakup is not amicable and things have been done and said .. it takes guts to contact the ex then ..

    a honest post ...

  19. I've seen people who break up and bitch about the other and can't meet the other person in the eye. Sometimes people overdo it. Just because people are not compatible, doesn't mean they have to hate each other. Very true.
    After reading your post, I realized this is how decent people should behave.

  20. @KP: I HAVE GIVE N UP on the ex :)

    But if I see him on the road, I will not hide. Sathya & I BOTH of us would say 'hello hi' and walk on.

    That’s it :)

    I completely agree, an ex should be in the past & since there are 4 people involved complication arise. But that is not a situation I am referring here. Sorry for having come out all wrong in the post. I'm only talking of a one-time hypothetical social situation.

    @Sunita: no no I am not taking of an affair at all :( . Danger zone as you said no doubt.

    All I am saying is if I ever accidentally see him, I would not go in the opposite direction or hide. I would stop to say a 'hello how are you' & move on. That’s it.

  21. @Raj: Thanks for understanding Raj.

    Yes, it truly depends on the circumstances& everyone’s story is different. In my case, we are not “friends” anymore but we once were and by that count, I’d be courteous if I ever happen to see him somewhere.

    And so would Sathya because he knows him.

    @Suraj: yes, they do because everyone has their own experience & every experience is different and so are the reactions.

    And you don’t ‘have to’ say anything because I know you ‘understand’. That’s enough

  22. hmmmm its good u ended ur relation on good terms....i ran into my ex 4days back and i ignored him cos if i would have greeted him his current wife would have pounced on me as she has in the past as well..lol..so it was a royal ignore from both sides

  23. After reading the post, I am happy about one thing - you don't have any problem with people named "Binu" :)

    Overall, I respect you for the way you think! Coz very few people genuinely think that way.

  24. @Akshay: the thought crossed my mind and i wrote.

    I think the real credit goes to Sathya that he can tolerate his woman writing about these things on a blog. Will pass on the courage compliment to him :)

    @Tamil: thank you so much for your words

    @Nona: thank you :)

  25. @Sunita: Sathya knows him. He is in the Gulf now or maybe back in Kannur i don't know so there is really not a chance that we will meet but if hypothetically speaking if ever we meet say in a mall or something, Sathya & I and he too would have a polite social conversation & go our ways

    btw, you know strangely his wife recently searched me out on FB and added me!!!!!!!!!!!

    current status: i have removed her from my FB list :)

    @Gargi: rightly said Gargi, this is nothing but a predicted reaction. that's all. 'IF i see' is the catchword.

    @Suzaan: of course not. Jenny might just burn me alive with just her stare for all i know.
    but the strangest thing is ....read my reply to Sunita :) i was so shocked!

  26. @Shilpa: sure it is - recipe for trouble :DD
    Nah, no plans of doing that ever :)

    i was just saying that if we happen to cross our paths like literally cross and spot each other on the road or something, we would exchange pleasantries. We wouldn't do the famous royal ignore thing

    @Deb: :)
    since we've chatted out the rest of the thoughts

    @Madhav: that's right actually...the leaving a part of you bit. whether good or bad the little something remains. hum maane ya na maane

    @Bikram: na rey na...i will not 'contact' my ex. Kyun karun? its closed episode
    but if we accidentally meet (that's not going to happen actually) both Sathya & I will say "hi"

  27. @Ashwini: that was what happened Ashwini. we were not compatible at all. but we were friends from college and IF in future if we EVER see each other on the road i will say a 'hi how are you'. Sathya too would stop to say hello.
    but this is just a hypothetical situation.

    @Alka: i agree Alka if i was in your position, I would do the same. your situation is very very different

    @Binu: haha no no..i don't have any problem :D
    in fact, i remembered you while writing this post & of course, had noticed your name the first time i saw your comment on Ashwini's blog

  28. Sujatha chechi , how r u?
    ur writing always awesome especially in case of relations ....best wishes

  29. I loved your post- you came out of your writer's block with a running start!! BRAVO! I had to laugh at your p.s. at the end- I did NOT think that in the least, but it made me laugh to imagine how some would have construed this in that way. :)

    This was amazing!! Keep up with the 'no more writer's block'- looking forward to seeing more of the same in the days ahead.

  30. well, I don't have any experience to comment on this. But my applause to you on your willingness to face the EX and share pleasantries.

    Hahahaaa on the foot note.. Perceptions differ and yeah, people interpret things differently.

    But I think most of them in our country won't like to ran into their Ex as most would prefer not to be reminded of the past!

  31. @Jidhu: thank you Jidhu
    best wished to you too

    @Anjuli: thank you so much Connie.
    yes, that was the last thing on my mind well actually it wasn't there on my mind at all the thought of an affair & so the responses shook me a bit

    @Anand: yeah, true, most would not want any more reminders of the past. understandable too.

    and even though i say i wont mind saying a 'hi' i am not sure Anand if the ex would respond similarly esp in the presence of his wife :DD
    but what the hell!! this is just a hypothetical scenario

  32. @Sujatha: hahaha, cant think of the reaction of Ex in the presence of wife/husband... :) Yeah, its just a hypothetical situation, but some people may love to encounter, just to see the reaction from the other end! :)

  33. Most likely I will greet him very nicely. I will talk to him and thank him in my mind as he taught me the biggest lesson - What not to look in guys!
    I'll be happy as I know I am better off without him.
    BTW, How can people think that you were vouching on having an affair by this post?
    Interesting read...:)

  34. @Anand: yes that would be fun :DD seeing the reaction :) evil thoughts!!

    u know the funny/strange thing was my ex's wife actually searched me out on FB and added me!!!!!!wonder what was she thinking or looking for to find on my FB! :))

    @Saru: yes some lessons are learnt the hard way.

    you know Saru i always wonder if, as they say, bhagwan ne sabki jodi pehle si hi banayi hai then why does he take us to the wrong guy first?

  35. I would do the same. It would be too immature to run or hide from each other just beacue things did'nt work out for the two.
    What would your reaction be if u catch your ex doing that?

  36. //i always wonder if, as they say, bhagwan ne sabki jodi pehle si hi banayi hai then why does he take us to the wrong guy first?//--So that you can value and cherish the final jodi:D

  37. hhmmmmm...as someone said above "there are very few people who think that way as you do, as far as having terms with 'ex' is concerned"......

    BTW an interesting topic by you here...:))

  38. I am unable to narrate my feeling with the right words but let me try. I find all your relationship-related posts very interesting, stunning and unbelievable. I never thought I would ever get to know a lady who so openly discusses about everything in her earlier affair with everyone including the spouse. It also speaks volumes about your hubby and his maturity. Maybe because both of you had affairs before it was easy for you guys. Even then I don't think we can be so open.

    Some of your posts are eye-openers to me. I don't think we have become so liberal as a society yet. So, I would say, it's people like you who are the torch bearers of this cultural change, hopefully for better.

  39. "I am circus",that made me laugh.Pretty much sounds like me and I appreciate the candidness.I mean at times I don't find it easy to accept that I am a big circus. :P

    Other than that I am completely clueless on the topic.Ex? First of all I should have fallen in love to even think about.

    Anyways,nicely written. :)

  40. A wise man once said, Friends can be lover, but lovers can never be friends.... and I agree with it so much... :-)

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya

  41. You know Sujatha I have a strong sixth sense. My mother can vouch for it. I told my mother that I will marry my classmate from PKR (Thats my school name).
    I'm a fatalist, everything is destined to happen. Speaking strictly in the boundaries of this post, broken relationships are the biggest learning grounds. And, no one can change destiny.
    I think God wants us to value what we have now by showing us bad guys in advance...:)

  42. Strong level of maturity clubbed with rational thinking is what has made you reach this decision. esp when you say u want to see how hubby handles the situation. I don't think I will ever attain such maturity level.

    In my personal opinion, there was no need for that foot note. The post was very straight and clear. Don't know why people are confused. Great read!

  43. I tend to agree with Saru, that god has destined the best for us and it is for us to learn and value it! Life is like a travel where you meet some people and make friends and carry on! Only some are destined to be long term partners!!

  44. Wow, hats off to you! I agree with Shilpa's comment that it would require a maturity on the part of all the 4 concerned to do what you say. I'd prefer to let the past be and leave it alone. Though I find your openness fascinating, it shocks me that you can discuss such intimate details of your life on your blog and share it with the world. And, hats off to your hubby that he handles all of this with elan including your cribs about mil :). It is indeed nice to know you through your posts!

  45. I broke up with my ex a few months ago..n now we r back together albeit as friends, maybe because we were better friends than lovers..I don't have any bitter feelings at all..can totally relate to ur post :)

  46. In my life there is no space for "ex" in love .One life and its for her !! simple ..Nice post

  47. @Leo: Good question :)

    He might just do that :D esp if his wife is with him to not hurt her in anyway. Well, in that case I’d respect it, not barge in or anything.
    I might smile, nod & if no reaction, I might just go on my way

    @Sharmila: Hmmm :) Sahi kaha

    @Irfan: sabki kahaani alag, sabke reactions alag :)

  48. @Bharathiraja: ah! Nothing like that Bharathi no torch bearers stuff.

    It’s just that I've lived my life & not regretted anything. I'm sure there are lots of people with similar stories as mine. Only difference is, maybe, at this point in time, they are still scared of what people will think. I am not. Why should I be? This is my blog. My life. I didn’t do anything wrong or unethical. I loved. I lived. That’s it.

    And yes, if Sathya wasn’t as mature & understanding as he is (in spite of the fact that he is way younger than me!) maybe I wouldn’t have been able to so freely express myself. I'd hesitate, maybe,just maybe,stop myself to avoid hurting his feelings. So yes, hats off to him :)

    Yes, that’s true, that as a society, we still want to know or read or see “proper” behavior. Anything slightly different is acceptable only in movies (in some cases, not even there)

    Ultimately i feel whether we share or hide, God sees our heart. He knows. So why be concerned about people? ordinary people? they are after all strangers to me!

  49. @Vishnu: yes, yes, that is the first condition :) fall in love :)

    And remember the great man who said, “it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”

    @Shashi: I am not friends with my ex.
    I don’t even know which part of the world he is in now :) and i don't really care either

    @Saru: bhagwan bhi na! extra kaam :) first learn all the lessons well phir experience happiness :)

    yes, everything is destined. have seen it in my own life & those around me.

  50. Hi Sujatha :) Happy New year to you :) On the ex front...i would love to meet all of em...except just this one lady...who i wish never existed :) I dont think I will be reacting differently when i come across em...have lots of great memories around em so it will be truly nostalgic to connect again :)

  51. It's all fun to get in touch with exs and then poking fun at each other and laughing at old times :) People do say that after a break up, one can't remain as a friend. But, after a couple of years, building up a friendship is possible!
    First love is never forgotten :)

    Loved reading the post!

  52. As we grow, certain things get a lower priority than they once got. I guess it all depends on the level of trust you have on the other person.

    Destination Infinity

  53. An interesting take... Not to sound like a chauvinist here, but I always tght that it would be easier for men to say sumthin like this than women...

    But when I think straight, I will be pretty cool with meeting my ex and exchanging pleasantries too... But I am not too sure if I will be as cool if I happened to meet my wife's ex... You got me thinking... ;) Like always... :)

  54. @Jane: you know Jane I have almost forgotten Binu but I will never forget Chachan & Ammachi. Never!

    And if I meet him, which will not happen, but just imagining, then that will be the only reason I will be so happy. I will ask about them the whole time.

    I still feel sad for causing them pain.

    @Rahul: true Rahulji, we meet, we love, we learn, we lose, we forgive some, we carry on. sab pehle se hi likha hai :)

    @Rachna: guess being on the other side of 30 (i'm 34) has made me crazier :D

    yes, if it wasn't for Sathya & if someone else would have been in his place, things might have been very different. he deserves the applause for being way mature for his age & understanding me & knowing that i mean no harm to anyone & for the honesty with which this blog is written.

  55. @Keertana: yeah can understand what you are saying Keertana.
    (Wow, such a nice name by the way. Feels nice to say it out loud after all the months I spent saying Ana-treek!!)
    It is possible but of course it depends on a whole lot of things.
    true, some are better off as friends. i'm glad you guys are friends. one day you both will find someone more compatible to u & be a lot luckier & happier in love :)

    @Sheril: good for you :) and her :)

  56. @India's: ""all of them"" - hehehee

    yup, i am sure they would all have left some lovely moments to remember them by :)

    @Philo: oh back from exams? hope it all went well.

    yeah, i feel so too. a couple of years later it maybe possible. at least in some cases. at least being civil :) at least an acknowledgment of the other's presence. at least for some ;)

  57. @Rajesh: yes, that's right. the trust factor is the most imp.

    @Nikhil: ummmmmm i guess it's not really about the gender though gender thought process does play a role

    in my case, I left him. So its easy for me to say all this in the post.
    If he had left me, maybe things would have been different. I would've thought differently. This post wouldn't be what it is now.

    Or well....maybe not. because even if he had left me, since i found happiness in Sathya, i think i would let bygones be bygones & might actually smile & say a hi if we ever ran a cross each other.

    or....shit! relationships are so damn complicated! :/ there really is no one straight answer. is there?

  58. @Sujatha,

    You set me thinking the same thing which I think over and over :D, yes this one question I havent answered myself!!! How could I react if i meet my ex??? I tried giving up thinking this as it never ended up in positive note, but deep down inside :D I still think the same thing.

    You r out of Writers Block awesomely, But alas u made me put on that thinking cap again :D

    :D Lovely you are !!!

  59. It all depends on how the the relationship ended. If it did end on a note of betrayal, would not want to be hurt myself , would not run for a cover, but would choose overlook ( though difficult) and if it was cordial would exchange courtesies.

  60. Omigod!! her name's Jenny!!! :-)))

    Well, I think it all depends on how you have actually parted with your ex? If it was amiably, then its not going to be difficult to be cordial..

    Two of my friends from a common group were going around. They broke up for some reason, but very cordially. The guy got married.. Now we all still hangout together.. what more, even the wife has been included in the group.. and all's well and cultured still :-)))

    Happy New year!!!!

  61. How about looking upto Rachel and Ross from F.R.I.E.N.D.S current- ex - current - ex???

    A lot of people tell me, thier's is a western culture and blah blah.. but relationships and exes are relationships and exes in all cultures.. always complicated, but everybody wants to have one!!

    Have diverted.. but just wanted to point out how they behaved with each other after thier breakup..

  62. I appreciate your thoughts and your gesture of exchanging pleasantries!
    Hmm..to me it seems a complex intertwined situation.Those who manage to handle it smartly,ethically,culturally and intelligently are definitely good relationship-managers in making!

  63. Thats an interesting post...Not all breakups are so cordial...for many, meeting an ex ends up ackward..

  64. Definitely a very interesting write up. As many have I appreciate your thoughts as always.

  65. The footnote did catch my eye! from your post it doesn't appear that you want to rekindle, but I wouldn't say I didn't take this as a *let's have a chat* post!

    Suju...sincere apologies for not reading for so long, I have been keeping busy with many a things. I really really liked the post on Gay subject and this as well. Very mature, dark and a bit of a pain there, just a little.

    If I ever met, ours would be a who's doing better meet. To be honest, IMO, if ex's meet, they do try to overpower or show-off that they are happier now and doing much better in life.

    Happy 2012 to you <3

  66. @Ramya: yeah it's not easy to imagine the situation. and who knows how the other party will react? the awkwardness will be there i feel for most of them

    yeah out of the writer's block - thanks to Femina :D

    @Krupaa: yeah, if we have been betrayed & fooled in the relationship, may not really feel to talk or even look. the hurt is deep

  67. @Jenny: wohi toh! thoda cultured hone mein kya hai!

    and yes she is Jenny :D

    ya Ross & Rachael are iconic na? i guess as long as the passion (physical too) is still there dormant somewhere, u always tend to go back. and there's just too much history b/w them.

    true, this western culture v/s indian culture w.r.t relationships is all hogwash

    @Rohit: haha itne saare "ly"...ethically,morally, intelligently...shows how complicated relationships are esp the ones that have gone sour

  68. @ashok: yeah awkward for many, true. i understand

    @Ashwini: thanks Ashwini

    @Chintan: yes, that can't be ruled out the 'who's doing better' bit. mine was so materialistic (he didn't let go of the bean bags, MY bean bags!!) i am sure he will try to size things up :D

  69. Very interesting, honest and realistic too!. In these days we need to realize that a person will come with a past and we need trust, honesty and openness to deal with it. I had read somewhere : A girl doesn't mind her husband's earlier relationships as long as she is satisfied that she is the last. A man on the other hand
    would want to be the first.

    As you rightly pointed out it depends also on how you parted. But it also depends on how you current relationship is. If you are happy, satisfied in the current relationship then you can look at past together objectively and enjoy it. Else you might be tempted to rekindle the old flame!

  70. Aaaaahhh I've seen exes be cordial, I've seen exes hold a grudge even after 10 yrs and I've seen exes become best friends and attend each other's weddings also! I guess it all depends upon how the relationship ended.

  71. I totally agree with ur reply to my comment. Like u said, even if he had left u, since u r more than happy with finding Sathya, you wouldn't mind seeing ur ex again...

    And ya, relationships are really damn complicated... Shmuck!!! :)

  72. @Kirti: ya i surely want to be "the last" in sathya's life. if not, he is in for BIGG trouble :DD

    yes, the health of the current relationship makes a huge difference. otherwise, cant even think of writing on a topic like this! soch bhi nai sakte!

    @Gayatri: haha that's the whole gamut of exes & their 'after' stories there :)

    @Nikhil: Shmuck!!! from me too :)

  73. never judge lest you be judged with the same yard stick... yet, a baggage of memories as in this post is a memory of baggages; this is just one side of the coin and do not know what the other might feel or wonder if he might even have time to think about these (in a probably uneventful meeting with the ex)... probably "moving on" is all about that, letting go.


  74. Exams are still going on :P Just couldn't help getting back here :D

  75. Honest post :) I would like to do it that way but not sure if everyone wants it that way! That makes me wonder and in situations like these, i prefer to wait till i see signs that the other person wants to be greeted - to save embarrassment on both the sides.

    Even with friends who have parted now, i observe that most of them don't wanna rake up a dead past!

    Personally, every person who has walked into my life is dear and i wanna give them the due respect !

  76. @VST: haha right. this is only one side of the coin. have no idea about the other side. but if i ever knew him well, he'd be civil too,if noting else. but it doesn't matter. this is just a hypothetical situation anyways.

    the memory of baggage was a complicated line, couldn't understand it fully :(

    thanks for visiting my blog & for reading n commenting

    @Philo: :DD
    i am going to scold you now and say, "exams pe dhyaan do beta"

    @Divya: yeah, i have very often embarrassed myself with old friends. i am a circus like i wrote. you are right, might as well wait for signs from the other end, not just him but generally friends too

  77. I and my wife ex are really good friends , friendship happened only after our marriage . And about my ex,I have met her only once after her marriage and she had only one comment that I have put on weight . So its always how you think .

  78. I am reminded of a gazal by MENHDI HASAN-"Wo kabhi mil jayen to kya kijiye,raat din surat ko dekha kijiye.

  79. Its good that you are able to talk to your Ex..it shows that you are completely out of that relationship and have no strings attached-jealousy,hatred or sorrow...You are lucky that you have a understanding husband who does not mind his wife talking to her Ex.

    Women are difficult to understand..sometimes they look so vulnerable and at times they look solid rock..Take an instance of my friend who had bitter divorce..His wife reacted very harshly to that breakup...All her friends{including common friends like me} thought she would not survive that ordeal.....Strangely after a year she cheerfully participated in marriage of her ex-hubby..she looked very calm,serene and radiant clearly indicating that she was happy..

    May be both said whatever they wanted to say each other,they did all that they could do to take revenge of the hurtings that other person caused to them and finally had nothing left in heart to complain...

  80. @Dhiraj: yeah, i guess it is possible then. at least a few of the readers have said so.

    haha her only comment was about weight!! maybe i will exclaim that too because the last i saw of him he did look too bulky :D

  81. @indu: aaah! mehsi hasan is outstanding.

    this particular gazal may apply to many couples :)

    @Vinod: rightly said Vinod. i am truly completely out of that relationship. and Sathya knows him because when he met me, i was in the previous relationship. so Sathya actually fell in love with a woman who was already committed.

    yeah women can be difficult to understand and perfectly illustrated by the example you shared

  82. it feels good to know when two people dont get into blame game ...its imp to accept the fact that they are not made for each other

  83. Let me first get a girl friend, then I shall think about my ex......ha, ha, ha. Yours is an intersting post and keeping posting lively stuffs like this!!!!

  84. @Sujatha~~ It's kinda difficult for the first few months to be friendly. I had a similar experience... All I wanted was revenge...
    Now, that two years have passed, I dnt feel the initial negativity anymore... :)
    Thankfully, which means I've moved on...I'm friendly with him these days... but not cordial!
    However, you're right "First love cannot be forgotten!" (specially when it flies away with your best buddy!) :P

    Thanks for sharing... It's nostalgic...

    Indie :)

  85. Interesting post Sujatha...You are candid and thats what I like the most about you:)

  86. Hi Sujatha, You have been tagged and awarded. Pls check my blog.
    Thanks :)

  87. why to hide, its good to laugh and share.
    congrats for award as shilpa garg awarded you

  88. Interesting post. Lack of first hand experience on relationships prevents me from adding any value to the discussions.

  89. @Alka: yeah. kuch log ek doosre ke liye bane hi nahi. absolutely agree Alka.

    @Sriram: hahah yes...you have lots of things to do before you think of x and y

    @Deepa: thank you Deepa

    @Shilpa: oh is it? thanks :)

    @sm: yeah, but its easier said than done, na?

  90. @Amrita: i understand sweetheart
    and so glad you have moved on. the negativity towards our past is just not worth it though of course initially we cant help it

    @The Fool: no problemo :D

  91. Nice space filler... even with Ex & experiences...

  92. This post essays real essence of conversations: forthright and honest.

  93. your thought of the post is absolutely in the right direction. You started your post by giving example of western country celebrity but in India this thing will take time to be mature where people wont mind talking to their ex. On personal level I myself did not talk to my ex for more than one year and no idea how will I react...Overall rightly and nicely reflected the common man confusion..hope they will understand it:)

  94. Wonderful post !!

    I share a great rapport with my ex. We have moved on as matured individual and he is settled and has a beautiful daughter now.
    Ofcourse curious, that we are, we do keep in touch and still maintain good terms.
    But what was in the past, stays there! :)

    A great topic to write about, and ponder!
    And you say you were out of topics! :D

  95. I love the feel of this post. You are amazing. Really. :-) It's quite sad you had to add that footnote. If it makes it any better, I didn't misunderstand you. You have a beautiful relationship. Maybe it last forever and ever. :-)

  96. @Singh: ????

    @Neeraj: :)) thank you

    @Mithlash: yeah Mithlash these things are always bit confusing. sabki alag kahaani, sabke alag feelings.
    maine toh yahan pe yeh sab bol diya, but kaun jaane whether he will talk or ignore me? hai na? rishtey bahut complicated hote hain

  97. @Mi: haan seriously i was completely out of topics. Femina ne bacha liya :D

    good to know about your side of the story. its so rare and always nice if two people can be in that space

    @Zeb: you are kind. thank you

  98. I got you loud and clear even before the foot note came up - what I intended to communicate was meeting up with a friend and and ex are two different scenarios altogether and my experience has been with the former so I commented from that perspective :) cheer up, all the best to run up to your ex and exchange pleasantries!

  99. @Sunita: ""all the best"""!!!! hahaha
    no, no not so keen for it. just thinking out loud here... if it happens.

  100. i could watch from the sidelines.....

  101. Now my exams are over :D Are you in a tea garden? If yes, may I know which one? :)

  102. Nicely written as always.... I guess, with maturity, one usually gets to a point where one tolerates a former bf/gf, even if the breakup was messy, and at times even sit together and laugh about common foibles.
    Of course, how many people have that maturity is the BIG question :-)
    Loved the part where you are 'a circus' when you meet someone after a long time..., would love to take photographs of that event.... should be a laugh riot ...
    Keep writing, waiting for more posts from you.
    PS: have chocolates, that helps writers block..., even if it does not, just have it....

  103. @Santa: with your skills behind the lens, it sure would be fun. provided i am not aware that you are clicking :)) laugh riot indeed

  104. lol...no i did not think that way...relations break because that is the best thing for the couple...does not make anyone bad or evil...why run.....

    nice one

    1. yeah so right. i couldn't have put it as well as you just did

  105. Awesome no? Blogger has come up with reply button! I am soooo happy!

    Coming to the post.. The kid in you has not died yet while the adult in you is getting mature every millisecond. Why I say this is, your hypothetical reaction of seeing your ex where I see a kid and your view of Sathya's reaction, where I see an adult. Because you could put yourself into his shoes, (I know they are gigantic.. But still) only a mature, understanding person can do that!

    You will not have writer's block Sujatha. Do not worry! You are a blessed writer.

    1. yeah. i struggled to put it - the reply button. saw the instructions on a blogger's post on indivine. thanks to him :)

      hahhaah yes yes his shoes are gigantic...i must show this line to him :DD "nan bagge baribeda anta hellilla ninge? he'll say!! i m supposed to write only positive things about him anthe :)

      that was a nice observation btw - the child n adult thing. most saw only one of the two. u saw both

  106. You have selected a difficult subject for this post but I have to admit it is very honest post.

  107. Oh cool ! I have a friend who is in munnar's tea estate too!

  108. hey Sujatha,

    each time i read ur latest post, first i like it a lot and i also think about the comments i wud write. But the problem is, by the time i reach the end of the long list of comments, i forget everything :)

    A very nice post as i can totally relate to it. This experience is still fresh with me...

    Cheers !!

    1. m glad you connected with this one :) thanks for your response. appreciate it.

      umm now what do i do with the long list so u can post urs without forgetting? umm...nothing. pls mere comments list ko nazar mat lagao bhai :DDD

      the only solution is for u to be the 1st one to respond :)) hows that for a workable solution?

  109. good to here after a long time. i can't imagine running into my ex at all... we parted as he had cheated on me and to be honest meeting him would result in me either breaking up or becoming violent.. none of which i desire....
    my only hope, if i do ever meet him, is to be with my present love, as he knows the whole episode and he is the only one who can calm me down then and maybe even get a decent conversation out of me.

    great post. it's good to know you can still be friendly with your ex.

    1. oh! that's sad to know. parting on such a note can make anyone violent. i can understand your feelings

  110. When you see someone again after a long time with whom you have shared best moments of your life , all kinda emotions start running inside you...and that moment you just cant control them, its best to just let it be.

    A heart felt post :)

    1. that's true, at that moment all things come rushing back i guess
      thank you Suroor for reading an older post :)

  111. However much you deny it, the fact that you grandiosely think of the event of you meeting your ex only means that the past embers of love haven't subsided. If you ask me, you and your husband(if he is okay with your post) need to see a shrink. Seriously!

    1. thank you :) and by now you must know i have no control on the inferences people draw from my posts AND neither do i care :)

  112. I like this attitude :) always thought I had it too but realized some wounds are too hard to forget! Coming here, after long. Will browse through!

    1. thank you Archana for coming again. means a lot :)

      sorry that i missed this one and responding to it now :(

      yeah, some wounds do take forever

  113. I think this is the bestest post I've read of yours! :) You have the guts to stick up for what's happened in the past and I appreciate that!That is something men/women should be born with. The ability to get over things and reminisce the past in a happy way! Life gives us so many reasons to smile,it's just funny how those smiling moments turn out! :)

    1. thank you for reading an older post. appreciate it :)

      and yeah sometimes those once upon a time smiling moments are totally lost/crushed/killed whatever. but need not always be the case

  114. Thank God ( really ? )! I have no ex. or my present axe would simply axe both :)))

    1. hahahha loved the play of words in your comment

      and what a coincidence that i just came from your blog and found this comment on my blog :))

  115. What an interesting piece of writing.. Awesome.

    1. thank you Abhilash. m glad you liked it. thanks for the read and the follow :)

  116. Hmm.. Good for you. I am at peace with most of my exes. Except girl 4. She still gives me cold stares. http://imeether.blogspot.com/

    1. hahah you must have pissed her off read bad - to still get those cold stares :P

  117. The honesty , rationalism and "from the heart" ness in your posts, is what makes them really affable and enjoyable. Liked the read. ++

    1. thank you Sugeeth, that was a wonderful thing to say

      and thanks also for reading up on some of my older posts. who does that? very rare. thanks. means a lot

  118. that was interesting and honest..love the fact that you can be cordial with your ex... nice piece :)

  119. why you are skeptical about Jeny, she is the coolest. That's why she wants to add you in FB. she mostly wanted to know the person with whom i was in love.Before the marriage not only Jeny but her entire family members knew about our relationship.Till today my relationship with you had nothing to do in my marriage life. However one thing i have to admit that i learnt a lot from our relationship and it helped me a lot in my marriage life. (now i know why companies prefer experienced candidates)

    I came abroad only two years back. Till then i was in Bangalore, but we never met. I must have passed by the house you stayed many a times during this time. but never felt to intrude in your life. please do not feel that Jeny will go mad at us if we happened to meet accidentally. There is no harsh feelings at all. I am writing to you now because i happened to read all your posts and thought how nicely you are writing and it should be appreciated. (Not just this post all of them) even last week after reading one of your posts i was thinking what if you never met me. all these love thing wouldn't have been there. you wouldn't have come to Bangalore at all. by this time you must have been a well known professor in a college and might have taken a doctorate. but destiny cant be changed.
    Anyway if we happened to meet it would be our pleasure to welcome you and sathya as our guest.

    meanwhile we had a baby boy on the 20th of September 2012. we named him Reeves John and My daughter Michelle is absolutely happy to have him as she is getting somebody to play with...

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