08 February 2012

Love without Expectations

Can you? I can’t. Love without expectations is saintly love & I’m no saint; nor intend to be one. I’m human. Love is a need. I expect. If this isn’t true love, then I’ve not been in true love because I’ve always expected & I know that the other person has expected too.

When I love someone, I look forward to certain things; a love in return to begin with. Doesn’t love start with the hope that the person loves you back; that he sees you, notices your existence, likes you just one bit at a time? Later, when you realize he loves you too, you move on to level 2 – hope he does this, hope he does that. And when that is done, a new list springs up! There really is no end to it. The question is should there be? Yes, Buddha said expectations are the cause of all suffering. But then, does that knowledge stop us? When I pray, I expect God to take care of me, be there when I’m drowning in a sea of tears, & give me strength. Even with God, the relationship is of wanting & needing, toh insaan kya cheez hai!

The problem with expectations is that it’s not always expressed. Unless you say what you want, how will you ever get it? I’m not a mind-reader! The frustration builds up because we assume he MUST know & understand us very well without a single word exchanged just because he is married to us. The truth is we’ve to tell, suggest, communicate, express, say, hint. Otherwise, he might try all he can & yet not measure up to our ‘hidden’ expectations.

As for what I expect from my man, it’s the most important thing he can give me - his TIME. I can’t live with a man who is a workaholic, spends 15 hours in office, 5 hours sleeping, 1 hour eating, 1 hour in the bathroom & 10 minutes with me. Since I’m not in a race to create any jaaydad (ancestral wealth) for my progeny, I’d rather he earns a few thousands less, than over-working (or pretending to!!) & coming home only to bathe & sleep. I don’t need him to earn for me. That I can manage very well all by myself.

I’d love it if he’d make me laugh; make me chuckle through my sometimes nonsensical fits of anger, & my crazy bouts of stupidity & silliness.

I want my man to fight with me! Sometimes! I want little tiffs to dot our journey as man & wife because they lend an intensity & hunger to the relationship like none other. The kind of fights where, one moment, you want to kill each other & the next, can’t bear to stay apart! Perfect understanding? Naah! I don’t want to end up a boring old couple who don’t speak through words but only through telepathy even if they are sitting on chairs bang opposite each other!

I also expect my man to fix the fan/car/bike/washing machine/T.V/tube light &mixer when it breaks down! Well, at least the first level repair, the diagnosis of what’s wrong with the damn machine. Arey, if it weren’t for one of these smaller mercies of life, why would I need a man in the first place? A man & his muscles have many uses!! And while he is at it, I also expect him to stop bragging that my curry turned out super because of his three second ‘tadka’ magic!

156 comments:

  1. gaaaah i guess i shouldnt comment on this post, i am NOT eligible :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. All those fairy tales apart, In Reality everyone expects something from the other. Its only when your expectations are sky high that the disappointment sets in.As you said, expectations when met can help you move on well with the other person. And another problem as you said is, when the other person meets your expectations but fails to express it. It happens most of the time, since WOmen like expressing their love and affection and Men proclaim that as long as you love someone, there is no need to express it. Fair enough,Still.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah correct unreasonable demands are a big spoiler.
      forgot mentioning that :(
      thanks for bringing that out :)

      Delete
  3. Love without expectations exists only in poems and spirituality. In the real world, it's only a myth.

    Regarding spending time, from a guy's perspective, Its not that the guys doesn't want to spend time, but office is a different ball game altogether!! The feeling is (and I dont subscribe to it, but its a fact) that if you don't put in an extra hour of work every day, there's always another person who will put 2 hrs of work for less than our take-home!! Its competition (for what, i don't know) out there.. I am not defending your husband here, I am defending all husbands here :D :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. true,i know :( but you know sometimes it just gets to me, i just don't see the point but yeah i guess men kind of feel miserable too about it but don't always show it to their women

      good defense by the way :)

      Delete
  4. We all expect love and expect in love. That gives life to the relationship and provides those beautiful moments (surprises and disappointments alike) that define us. And I totally agree with you that the single most important thing to give is one's time. Rest will fall in place then.

    Must tell you.. I really enjoyed the last paragraph. Guess Sathya might have a different take on it if he reads it. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOVE the first line. wish i had come up with it! :(
      but there really is no matching u when it comes to stringing words together :)

      Delete
  5. Love has not been very kind to me, so I don't have much expertise to comment about the topic. But all I can say is, I Loved, I Expected and I Lost. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ohhhh :((((

      but u know Akshay, "to have loved and lost is better than never to have loved at all" some great man said & i totally agree even though i know how it hurts when it is lost

      Delete
  6. I dont expect expensive gifts and a lot of money from the hubby. But yes he has to spend quality time with me.. Even if he may love me a lot, if he doesnot spend time with me, I brood and worry if he really loves me or not!

    And yes no relationship is complete w/o expectations. When I try to act saintly and show off that I dont need him, hubby tells me to stop being God and be human :-P

    Nice one Sujatha! And I like the photo, and that neck piece is awesome, kidar se kharide?
    Sari wala fotu jyada acha laga tha mujhe lekin.. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. your hubby is right :) and u r a cancerian - worrying is your middle name :))). hey whats ur husband's zodiac

      woh neck-piece Kovalam mein liya - sau rupey mein! it was a steal :DD

      haan, many like the sari wala but i get bored with pics/templates so keep changing

      other than topic, i have discussed everything in this comment :DD

      Delete
    2. teehee.. yes worrying so true!!! well he is a gemini :-|

      Delete
  7. wonderful topic, i like the way you chose topics :) kudos for that
    And coming to the post, Love expects only one thing that is to expect nothing...
    But everything in the world expects something in return, only mother's love and true care are exclusions
    Great post !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks for your response

      i am a mother. i expect from my daughter also. that she loves me, cares for me, & many other things. my love as a mother too "expects"

      Delete
    2. rightly said,, when i comment on your post.. i do expect a comment back :P

      Delete
    3. of course you do. and now let's just see if your expectations are fulfilled :p

      Delete
  8. Sujatha, Do I need to add more!Even our texts say that in a 'Grasthashram' a man must fulfill his duties of taking care of family and siblings so the expectation is bang on line:)BTW good to see your different profile pics!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you Sir :)

      wish i had put the grasthashram point !

      Delete
  9. I expect and I have no regretful qualms about it :)
    Strong post Sujatha :)
    I'm reading you after a very long time and I must say, the pleasure it gives me is the same :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh! the last few words of your comment - music to my ears :))

      thank you for reading

      Delete
  10. Cute post. Of course, we want something back. But, expectations should not be overpowering and yours are certainly very reasonable! I am ashamed of those women who want their husbands to work like donkeys so they can splurge in parlors and on clothes. Come on have the ability to earn if you have expensive tastes. Love is all about companionship, spending the time together and caring for each other. You are bang on in your expectations. Enjoyed reading! Pre-valentine one?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks Rachna.

      naah! not a pre-valentine post! a delayed by 4 days post :D. i usually post on sunday nights!

      and yes, i seen some of those types too --- overpowering ones

      Delete
  11. Anticipate, look forward to and ultimately demand , well that is the mantra for a joyous and eventful life , nice read sujatha and I really appreciate your remarkable ability to read so many posts - hats off to that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. not ability Sunita :) just having loads of time on my hands right now as i am not working so.....reading blogs full-time :D

      Delete
  12. Aah.. This is some deep thoughts coming right on paper!! :D

    Wowawesome post.. and I seriously couldn't agree more!!
    Ideally, there should be no expectations at all.. But who said, we need to be ideal? :D
    I am totally with you when you say that there the levels of expectations increase when one level is crossed!
    It was a good good read! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ideal? Naaah! not for the likes of us :D

      thank you Mi for liking the post

      Delete
  13. Yes, expectations are no markers for deciding whether love is true or not! we humans have an inborn tendency to hope, to expect, to love, to hate and that can never die!
    but then expectation like any other emotion should not exceed a certain limit or else they will gobble the relation.

    sarah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. true, one must know where to stop & also how much we ourselves can 'give'

      thanks for coming over again and reading

      Delete
  14. Completely agree that unconditional love and non-expectation love is just a farce, or maybe it is not, but I have not come across something like that.

    But, you know... where I do not ever understand is, what about if your expectation is to be surprised at times. Then how do you let your spouse know this and then after that be also surprised?? Now would this be an unreasonable expectation?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow! u got me thinking! hmmm yeah that surprise thing is pretty dicey!

      you know i was like that in the beginning - wanted him to surprise me. but he turned out SO BAD at it that i just gave it up & one day told him in very clear terms, don't ever ever surprise me. your surprises scare me. just tell me everything in advance :DD

      Delete
    2. LOL :) That bad huh....

      I am still trying... I love my surprises too much I guess. But then, maybe will give up soon!

      Delete
    3. Haha Aathira - confuse and confound the poor chap.

      Delete
  15. Nice post! You have enlighten expectations, and yes girls need to tell what they want. Basic reason being, difference between thought process of a Girl and a guy.
    About office work, I don't think anybody (irrespective of sex) wants to spend unnecessary time in working and doing crap things. And atleast I can see unless it's necessary guys like me wont stay in office. :D :D
    But I do understand it's utmost important to spend time in relationship and to manage other things accordingly ..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ya, most guys remain clueless & women are partly to be blamed for it
      and as for the office time thing, i 'choose' to believe you :D

      welcome to my blog Chaitanya and thanks for reading & responding

      Delete
  16. This is an extremely ponder worthy idea indeed, I say this because the topic you have touched upon has stood the test of time.

    As mere mortals it is difficult to not have expectations but what is the way out - Proclaiming, let us not have expectations. Isn't that an expectation in itself? :P. Ok, too much philosophy.

    The simpler thing yet boisterous thing to do would be to give and give and give some more and not pay heed to the expectation however large or small.

    Good read this one. Have I told you, I look forward to reading your posts every day?

    Cheers :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. no, you hadn't told :D

      it was a delight to hear that today :)

      as for the give & give & give thing, tried it - failed miserably :( Little bit of wanting always helps balance things out

      Delete
  17. its true, no matter how much you love a person,expectations are always always expected !! very honest words ya !

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hmmm very very True Sujatha,
    Very good write up! loved it. I totally Agree with you.
    I don't think so there can be anything or any relationship with out expectation of some sorts.


    Keep writing!Keep inspiring...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you so much Ramya. true, it's not humanly possible to not want something from the people we love

      Delete
  19. Replies
    1. you know Bau i actually looked up the dictionary the meaning of 'pithy'

      thanks a lot for your comment :)
      a warm welcome to Conversations

      Delete
  20. this was a superb post..i honestly believe in the times today their can be no love without expectations and if u do love someone without any expectations be ready to be walked all over..hehe..love the post the topic u have chosen and every word written here

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sahi kaha - the getting walked all over bit...wohi hota hai.
      my own experience has been such
      thanks Alka. aapne abhi tak apna mail id nai diya

      Delete
  21. such a true post...absolutely agree..what is a relationship without expectations....but expecting more than someone can give is the root cause of problems I guess..and I also agree with one of ur comments above about mother's love...mother's also expect..but again in every relationship how much is probably the question..

    I totally loved the 'magic tadka' expectation :D :D :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and that profile pic is a killer one...looking nice :)

      Delete
    2. true Sunita, knowing the "how much" is the part where we fail & go on & on expecting the moon from our partners even though we know it is breaking their backs.

      kaash yeh how much wala point mein post mein ghusaati :D

      thanks - pic compliment ke liye :)

      Delete
  22. There are 24 hrs in a day, while your calculation only adds up to 22 hrs and 10 mins...baaki kahan gaye..haha :P
    (I have too much time at hand) :D

    Fights are a must, I believe. I especially like the fights between Marshall and Lily in HIMYM. They take a break, when it gets too heavy, then pretend that nothing has happened and then fight again.. :P

    Last paragraph makes me chuckle. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i cant believe u actually added it all up! LOL!

      (FYI: i failed twice in maths in school. sachchi! & this is strictly b/w you & me)

      what is HIMYM? and who are Marshall & Lily? no idea :(

      Delete
    2. How I Met Your Mother. They are characters. :D

      Delete
  23. so true so true.. I am human too .. expectations are always there and should be too..

    I think the problems come when we start to expect MORE..

    moreover I do think in todays world the word LOVE is overused ..

    beautiful article and I sincerely wish all your expectation are fulfilled and you too do the same for hubby dear and have a beautiful LOVE filled life ...

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah Bikram, MORE is a dangerous four letter word

      Delete
  24. very true, even I think that love has expectations..and when they are met it doubles:)..but sometimes they are unreal and cant be fulfilled...and disillusion starts....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. absolutely - if they are unrealistic there is no way either of them can fulfill it & both will be disappointed

      Delete
  25. how do u manage to come up with such wonderful topics? awesome writing!!!!

    15 hours + 5 hours + 1 hour eating + 1 hour + 10 minutes = 22 hours 10 minutes. 1 hour 50 minutes missing here in this calculation :D

    love without expectation is not possible but may be thats applicable only when u r in a relationship with that person. dunno, why m i breaking my head?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks Deb :)

      now i need to figure out what activities to put in the 1 hour 50 minutes time interval! :D

      Delete
  26. One of the most difficult things to do. To love without expectations. You've beaded it very nicely in words. My first visit on your blog. liked your writing style.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Clear communication gap.. just like Dhoni and Sehwag in Indian team.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We know that Sehwag is better than what he has been lately(ignore this if u don't follow cricket).
      The woman in your post can make a difference if she really wants to.. being proactive, having a fruitful conversation with the partner.. sometimes a little walk in the evening is better than spending 3,4 hrs at home. You know those little moments..

      P.S. From a bachelor's point of view :)

      Delete
    2. ok ok i get it now. yeah correct :)

      Delete
  28. Some expectations are legitimate, its when we overdo it, that causes the problem.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, crossing the limit, pressurizing - never good

      Delete
  29. ha ha- I loved your ending and laughed out loud (was glad I wasn't drinking my tea at the time- it would have splashed all over the screen).

    You've put this very nicely- realistic expectations- and they need to be communicated. It is so funny that you had done this post- because this morning when hubby & I awoke, we lay in bed for the longest time discussing what our expectations were when we first got married--- we decided we had very LOW expectations of each other and that is why we were so happily married- haha!! and now I read this and I'm laughing all over again.

    But seriously- A GREAT POST!!!!!! I always love your insights.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow that is one amazing coincidence indeed:) am all smiles reading about it

      and yes, thank god for the tea bit :D

      Delete
  30. Our thoughts match 100%..when I love, I expect too and it's a need of human being...We're no saints. Like you said, expressing is important than just hoping :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. right, just hoping silently will benefit none. they will remain clueless & we will remain depressed :D

      Delete
  31. As you said, even I am not a saint. I want his time, some comforts but I speak. I know men can't read mind or emotions. So, I speak, not give hints...I speak.
    I can't stand a man who doesn't know how to fix things. He should know how to or should give it a shot.
    And you know, I'm the "world best wife" (in double quotes)...

    This profile picture is lovely...Keep it on for some time...Quite refreshing...:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ya ya world's best wife - no doubt at all :))) n he is the world's luckiest husband

      Delete
    2. LOL...Kisse bechari garib abla nari ka mazaak udate ho...:'(

      Delete
  32. What a timing for the post - with valentine day just round the corner.
    Expectations are bound to happen..even as a mother or a parent I expect things from my children.
    The catch is are our expectations influenced by media/movies - flowers, chocolates etc?
    As I grew older I realized I would prefer to know my man is there to bank on and making me laugh is surely up on the list. A man who spends time with our kids would always have a soft corner in my heart.
    I don't want a perfect man (for I am not perfect). But yes expectations are bound to be there over period of time they move to different types.
    Great post..loved reading it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that is so true - i too am touched when i see a man spending time with little children & enjoying those moments

      as for timing: actually timing ka vaat lag gaya thaa...this was supposed to go up last sunday night but went only yesterday, delayed by 4 days
      but chalo good came around valentines :)

      Delete
  33. Expectations are always a bummer! I ve realised things are better and more beautiful and more happier when you dont expect stuff, and something happens.. that feeling is obviously much better than the pain when ur expectations are not reciprocated.
    True... we are human, and these things are a part and parcel of it.. but there's a reason why the saintly preach otherwise i think... Being devoid is not possible for ppl like us, all we can do is try and lower them i suppose! Gr8 post by the way... something most ppl can connect to! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes absolutely - when things happen as per our liking without us telling them to that feeling is super awesome but kahaan gaye woh din :))

      Delete
    2. Hi Pranita, i visited your blog and tried publishing a comment but failed. there is a repeated captcha error that springs up each time. pls chk. sent u indimail too with the error msg

      Delete
  34. Its always give and take. Not you give and I take! I find it quite amazing that many people don't communicate effectively as to what they want. They always assume that the other person knows/ understands. While women might be good at relationships and understanding, men are not. The second point is the way in which a message is communicated. If certain points are made out like defects, obviously certain tempers are going to rise.

    Destination Infinity

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. agree on the give & take aspect & also the defects thing. very true

      Delete
  35. Hi Sujatha, thats a lovely display pic u have there :) nice n insightful piece as always...not an expert on love and all but ur line on loving someone making you laugh kinda sums it up... i mean whats life without having someone who u can be urself with :))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. exactly!
      not an expert on love (or so u say) but definitely one on humor. so u already got a thing going for you :)

      Delete
  36. Of course tadka magic is present. My dad still says food was good since he cut the vegitables....LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha your father sure has great sense of humor :)

      Delete
  37. A very well written & interesting post as usual... we certainly think that our hubby will understand what v want & get upset when he doesnt...yet sometimes its difficult to vocalize our feelings ....what a muddle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As long as the world exists, there shall be expectations. Obviously, we are just humans and only an emotionless creature can escape the clutches of expectations. Good post & keep it up!!!!

      From: sriram

      Delete
    2. heheheh Indu....yeah yeah quite a muddle at times :)

      Delete
    3. Thank you Sriram.

      btw, pls post something on ur blog. been waiting for too long now :)

      Delete
  38. I am speechless...your perspective is so perfect.. n the articulation so apt..
    All i can say to people here is...
    "Zara dil ko thaam lo... ye hai Don..Sujatha Don :)))) :P
    Hats off to you and your talent ~~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ok other than for the Don wala line, thanks for everything else :P

      Delete
  39. LOL! This is an amazing post Sujatha! :) I could connect with you on every single line! Thankfully my bf is NOT a workaholic!However,I share every sentiment of yours. Our bf/hubsand is our personal Hero and there is nothing wrong in expecting our due! :)
    Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog.I'd like to connect with you on indiblogger.Are you on it? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. our 'due'?? hahah that was an interesting choice of word there :) and touch wood for the 'not a workaholic' thing. may it always be like that, amen!

      Delete
  40. Sujatha,My husbnad and I are one of those boring couples you were talking about.:) Expectations....I think women expect a lot compared to men.My days of expecting all the time have gone.When want something to be done or something,I come right out and say so.Men dont get it telepathically anyways cz after a certain time,they think of them as games.hehehhe...All I want is his time,and over the years he finally has got it.He knows I need my share of hugs,kisses and lending hand at times.And I get them,Alhamdullilah.Suji...You will complete 7 yrs is it! Valentine's day is nearby,what plans?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. arey not at all Suzy...u guys have a good sense of humor...tum logon ka conversation bits are so funny (those that u mention on blog) its lovely to have that kind of give & take light banter

      valentine's - no plans dear :(. i will be happy if he doesn't take his ass to office on that day!

      yeah 7 years this June. how come it struck u? i am just thinking of the dreaded 7 year itch now :D

      Delete
  41. Expectation brings frustration...I literally felt this. Just because of this expectation I used to fight with my ex a lot. Now I expect but I don't feel frustratated if my expectations are not met...Budha was right when he said expectation is the reason for all suffering . it itself is a very deep concept n can not be summarise in this post but it is true as far as your personal views are concerned....I felt nice after reading this post...a beautiful topic to discuss...:):)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that is true. this is a concept that cannot be dealt with fully in a one page post like this

      sad to know about your experience :(
      hope the next time around things will be very different for you - beautifully different :)

      Delete
    2. Kya baat hai profile pics chaned

      It is looking so bright

      This pic is so nice

      If you have any doubt

      You can take anyone advice...are Ye tau poem ban gayi:)

      Delete
    3. aap toh poet ho...jo bhi likhoge poem hi banegi na? natural style :)

      and thanks for the pic compliment :)

      Delete
  42. give and take are part of any association of any type between 2 individuals....some dont expect anything back while some expects many things back :). Nice post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and i am sure i am not one of those who 'expect nothing' :D

      thanks for visiting my blog Nitin & responding to the post :)

      Delete
  43. So true... at first my wife and me were like one of those boring couples. I used to return at 9:30 or 10 at night, have a drink or just dinner, and go to sleep. the next morning, used to be a race to get ready and only weekends were for us, where you also try to accomplish visits to the barber, grocery shopping and all sundry works, until we decided enough is enough. Now we have more time with each other. even if at times it is sitting beside each other, with our individual laptops, lost in our own world :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha ya ya that happens - sitting beside in our own worlds!!! but i consciously try to keep it as less as possible :)

      Delete
  44. Commenting very late and after a loonngg time :-)

    I am on your side - I expect and I've seen most people do the same. But I think I am fortunate to have met one person in my life, who really did love without any expectations. All he said was, "Yes I love you. But I don't expect you to reciprocate nor do I expect anything else from you. I just love you, that's it. Why can't I do that?" I found it really hard to believe or accept or even understand this. But it has been several years - and nothing has happened to change or to prove this statement as false. I cannot be like that, but it is admirable, no?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. late/long time - doesn't matter AT ALL :)

      wow that's really wonderful - the person saying that to you. so rare! very fortunate to be loved so. indeed admirable

      Delete
  45. Love with expectations and responsibility create a meaningful life, your idea is thankful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks a lot for visiting 'Conversations', and appreciate your response.

      Delete
  46. First visit to your blog and all i can say is - Perfect way of conveying what it is to be in a relationship. It's no magical but has its own magical touch..:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you so much for your visit :)

      yeah it sure has its own magic

      Delete
  47. A human being is essentially a selfish creature and without expectation he/she wouldn't move further ahead; and you are right it is only possible for a saint to live without expectations. Any person who claims to be in love with someone definitely expects the same kind of love back with no excuses and this is how the world, today, runs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. exactly. we are all selfish by nature - only the degree varies from person to person

      Delete
  48. I felt as if I was talking to my husband while reading this! I have felt like this and argued like this with my husband. All your points are valid, Sujatha! As you said we expect even god to please us in return. That is very human.

    Loved the way you expressed yourself, Sujatha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh m so glad to know you've felt similarly too :)
      thanks for reading Sandhya

      Delete
  49. Yes, every female wants time from their partner. And this is something which does lack many a times..
    Expectations are required in a relationship, but when the expectations are very high, it leads to problems. Fights are also required but upto an extent :)
    It was a good post. Relatable too :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yup, when we go overboard it surely messes things up :)

      Delete
  50. I was toying with the idea of fishing out my take on love which I wrote as a 20 year old but when I read it now,I felt the need to make some changes.The basic idea remains the same though irrespective of years.You have written almost everything there was..
    Hobbs and I are poles apart in every possible aspect of life and obviously during courtship daily fights (serious ones)were taking a toll on our relationship.At the same time,chemistry was very strong,so as you said,could not stay without each other .That is when we sat down and decided that fight we will ,but each day on a fresh topic and that ,one day's fight will not be carried over to the next.Main toh six months pehle ka fight dil mein rakhti thi :0
    not any more.Totally agree- fights are the spice of life (if there are no carry overs)
    You have written very well Sujata without being preachy.Thank you for the follow too :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that is one awesome deal - each day fresh topic :D
      time we borrowed this one from u guys and did it too :) i was kind of geting stuck in a rut over the same things we been fighting about :O

      and yes, thanks for that "without being preachy" observation. meant a lot to me

      Delete
  51. "Expectations are not always expressed"- a very true thought indeed......loved the post..... neatly scripted :-)

    ReplyDelete
  52. wow....!! I always thought we should not have expectations because they lead to frustrations..nice to read the other angel to my view...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. welcome to Conversations and thanks for the follow too :)

      yeah,expectations do sometimes or most times (!!!) lead to frustrations but can we really not expect? i cant. i tried :D

      Delete
  53. Very candid and matter-of-fact , I must say ! Like you , i cannot afford saintly love. In every relationship there has to be a give and take. every emotion needs reciprocation . Perhaps, we as parents do become sainltly in giving out largesse to our kids, without expecting any thing in return ! As for fights, they do add spice , but have to be in a modicum, i.e. the right quantity . The taste of the dish should not be lost in spices !

    ReplyDelete
  54. its difficult to find love without expectations.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Oh trust me, even I can never give unconditional love.. even to my kids... cos like ya said, I also expect a lot from them...

    And completely vouch for that getting personal time. Any day anytime I would say the same. Now that we barely get 2 hours to spend with each other, every minute is precious. I would be in cloud nine if he gets home early in some days..:DDD

    "Man and his muscles have many uses" I am damn sure it does :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FINALLY.....at least one person noticed that line (man & his muscles)....hahaha!!! THANK YOU JANE

      Delete
  56. Well said, Sujatha. And undeniably true. Love is selfish and humans always expect something in return for love. The trick is to find out what each partner wants and whether we are capable of giving what the other expects. As you said, communication helps.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you, yeah surely one must try and understand whether the person can fulfill it

      Delete
  57. very tue, every gal want the same..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) thank you for reading and m glad you feel so too

      Delete
  58. It is expectations that make the love full of love.

    Generally, people dither in accepting that they expect in love, expecting in love in no sin. Expectations make love strong and real.

    A forthright post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you Neeraj. yes it keeps things real. no filmy things in real life :)

      Delete
  59. well...whatever may be the relation there is expectation in each of them and there is nothing wrong in having expectations but one must also care about what the other person is expecting form him/her, then only relation can flourish....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. very true, Irfanji, both must make an effort and whatever is possible, out of love, they must try to do it to make each other happy

      Delete
  60. If loved ones wouldn't expect then who will? Even the haters expect these days, forget loved ones!

    I don't think anyone can ever love without expectations. There is always a selfish side to a love story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah correct - haven't seen any of those selfless loves yet

      Delete
  61. love without expectations??? totally myth in OUR world, still expectations make us know each other better :) only edward cullen can love unconditionally without any expectation :P :P BECAUSE HE'S NOT HUMAN :p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i was like "who is this edward cullen?" and then laughed out when i read "he is not human" :D
      good one Uma :)

      Delete
  62. Hi Sujatha,

    Well! you write soooo well... I ahve been readin every article of yours for some time now.. To be honest,my first inclination to read your blog was coz I saw you are form Udupi. Since am from Mangalore, I somehow felt the need to read it.. But as I read, your words unfolded a desire within me to continue reading..

    Keep writing..

    you surely would have come across this many a times.. but still

    Surprise awaits.. http://thoughtssynchronized.blogspot.in/2012/02/versatile-blogger-award.html

    Cheers,
    Haritha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh wow don't know what to say to such a lovely response! except - Thank You Very Much & a Smile :)

      and yes i do that too - unconsciously of course - the place name connection thing - at least initially :))

      Delete
  63. Agree with every word you have written. We are not Sanyasinis/ Sanyasis to only give the world and not to expect.
    It is always give and take that works. "Without expection love" is an out and out farce!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :)) yeah - right word - "farce"
      thanks for reading :)

      Delete
  64. Well of course. Expectations will be there. Some will be met and some, not. Men are also humans, and not sanyasis. :D

    ReplyDelete
  65. Kumar,
    exactly - men are human after all :))

    thanks for coming over to read me.

    ReplyDelete
  66. makes total sense.... I guess all of us see this utopia in every relationship, but then, how many get it and more importantly, how many realise that they have it :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. heheh Santosh you had read this post and commented earlier too - just look up
      thanks a lot for the second reading :)

      Delete
  67. i have recently reading ur blogs. i wished i found ur blogs lot before. all ur blogs are excellent. this is no exception. what u said is absolutely true. i also feel the same that when what we are earning is not making happy today its waste. keep us all entertained. do you give a chance like once a month are so for your fans to interact with you by chat?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for your support. appreciate it. :)

      Delete
  68. Came across your blog..Very well written... Keep writing..

    http://www.virgincerebellum.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i am glad you came across my blog. and that you liked my writing. keep visiting, thank you Sai :)

      Delete
  69. oh My God ! There were somethings going on in my mind for a couple of days now. I suddenly opened google and searched for "love without expectations" and your blog was the first link. This happended a few hours ago today. And I must admit, I have become a fan of yours, instantly. The way you write is fabulous.

    I have been reading your other blogs since then. BANG ON !!! They are too good Sujatha.

    Yashwanth

    ReplyDelete
  70. your first line itself is enough. :) ..

    ReplyDelete
  71. Yashwanth

    thank you so much for your lovely comment

    ReplyDelete
  72. Hi! I'm at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone 3gs! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the superb work!

    my page ... slimquicks

    ReplyDelete