Shortcut To Happiness

No, this post is not a sermon on how to find happiness in your life. I am the last person to have any kind of clarity on the topic. The whole "find happiness in the smallest of things" is really not my type of logic anyways. This post is about the movie by the same name and how and why it has stayed with me even after all these years. 

So, have you seen the movie Shortcut to Happiness? If you haven't and you blog, you must watch it.

It is about this exceptionally gifted but small time writer (Alec Baldwin) who pledges his soul to the devil (Jennifer Love Hewitt) in exchange for fame and money and becomes one of the best-selling authors.

But slowly his writing suffers. His 2-3 best friends and genuine readers cannot read his "popular" books anymore because it lacks quality and they tell him so but he doesn't even have time to listen to them because he is so caught up with his new readers who are in millions now.

He has it all - readers, money, huge number of published books - everything he ever wanted and then he realizes that actually, he never really wanted any of this. All he ever wanted was a reader who responded to his writing and connected to his words. He was happier being an unpublished writer who wrote brilliant stuff whose real readers actually read him.

In the beginning of my blogging journey, way back in 2010, for one whole month or so, or longer than that perhaps, I caught myself obsessing over Alexa Rank, comments, number of readers, and number of followers, page views, so on and so forth. I even compared it with others. I sometimes returned comments and visits for the sake of it. And this is the shameful part, I wondered why some common readers don't read me but read others. I frequently doubted the quality of my blog, and asked repeatedly was my blog not nice. I worried that though I was nearing 2 years, I was still at 85 posts in 2012. I was caught up in this indivotes (votes that your post gets on a bloggers network called indiblogger), statistics, followers, widgets, and the world of other bloggers. I lost myself somewhere, bit by bit and I was so aware of it.

I had forgotten why I had actually started blogging. I had started blogging to quiet my mind. I was constantly in a monologue with myself and I had to find a way out of it - the constant chatter in my head. It was like I was always talking, even when there was no one else in the room or mostly then! Today, almost 7 years later, with a four year break in the blogging journey, it feels great to be in a space of contentment. Now that I am almost 134 posts old (nine on my travel blog and 125 here on this one), I have often gone back reading my older posts. They always bring a smile of joy. I surely find it amusing that there was a phase where I felt a particular way about a particular issue.

Interestingly, many of those emotions and opinions that I put forth in my earliest posts are still true today! Even after 7 years!  Or maybe, seven years is really not that long a time for a person to have a drastically different opinion on the same issue. Maybe, the number seven is a landmark number for married couples only, what with the itch and all the accompanying troubles. 

So, sometimes, I wonder, what would it be like, reading posts of 2010, say in 2050? Would I be ashamed? Not, I hope. 

Can I Get Pregnant?

That’s what the pregnancy clause entails - an actress can't get pregnant during the making of the film. The clause hit national headlines a few weeks back, no thanks to Mr. Amitabh Bachchan, who gallantly announced his ‘soon-going-to-be grandfather’ status on Twitter. Is that fair – the clause? I have thought long &hard about it. Strip me of my feminism & put me in the shoes of the producer/director/company that invests crores into a venture as risky as the movie making business, I would say YES. It is right about fair.

Acting and modeling are professions unlike any other. They are hugely dependent on how you look. An actor’s (male/female) job is to look a certain way in the films he/she has agreed to work on. Physicality, body language, weight, dressing, health, safety everything matters a great deal for the entire duration of the film. How can an actor, 4 months into her term, be expected to perform the tasks given to her which includes smoking, drinking, extensive travelling, outdoor shoots that requires you to be away from home for long periods of time so on & so forth? No producer in his sane mind would want to do that. Why would he? God forbid, should there be an untoward incident, an accident or any unfortunate event, who will pay? Don’t we all know that film making is as much about art & creativity as it is about making money. And so it should be.

Hollywood is known to have a clause for such sticky situations. They mandate that the lead actors don’t indulge in high risk activities like skiing, horse riding, flying planes or racing cars. And this is clearly understood & perfectly adhered to by one & all. Their logic is simple & straight-forward: If you slip, you pay. That’s professionalism.

Are actresses no naïve not to know that, it is for their physical beauty, that they charge a fee which runs into a couple of crores? Professional that she is, why did Aishwarya wait for so long & then abruptly let her father-in-law announce the news to the world? Shouldn’t the director/producer know this critical piece of information directly from her or at least from her PR personnel & well in advance, & not through a social networking site? Even during the promotions of the film in Cannes, she was reportedly already carrying, & yet went about the whole shindig with happy abandon, while the poor director & producer remained clueless about the shock that was to befall them shortly afterwards.

Are we saying she herself wasn’t aware of the situation? That to me is an outrageous assumption. Even teenagers know that a pregnancy can be confirmed within a month of missing your cycle (no…not the one you ride!!). Don’t we know OTC (over the counter) pregnancy test kits, for as low as Rs 50, are easily available in every medical store worth its name in every nook & corner of a city especially like Mumbai? These days, just as unwanted pregnancies can be terminated, they can be planned well in advance too. And if an unplanned pregnancy did take place, an actor should take the producer/director into confidence.

I don’t understand why career-minded women would or should have a problem with the clause? The multiple zeroes in their coveted pay check, the media attention, the fame, the benefits, the fan following, the instant recognition, the free lunches, the party invites, the luxury, the glamour – all this is offered to them on a platter thanks to a profession that puts a premium on looking good. They don’t seem to be complaining about of any of that!!

The Promise

I had promised you a blog post a long while ago Salman. Here I am keeping my promise. ‘Dabangg’ has just released. And so has the controversy over your 26/11 remarks.

The mass hysteria “Dabangg” has generated is unprecedented. We all know this craze is only & solely for you. The movie is yours all the way.The director is new, the heroine too. No one cares for Arbaaz anymore & Malaika has hardly aroused anyone since her Chaiya Chaiya days (though she refuses to believe this).

But you… you are a phenomenon. You know that. When you come on screen, it’s like a 440volt current that sends the audience into a mad frenzy. Whistles, hisses, howls, cheers & claps resound throughout the theatre. We watched it first day first show, only for you, for your inimitable style. You are truly one of a kind & that’s what draws people in hordes to the booking counter.

The title song & that unique move of the hip & the twist of the belt, the hearts on your glares (hey, by the way, everyone is sporting a Ray Ban in the movie & to think that it is set in Laalgunj, U.P), the way you mouth your dialogues, the way you walk, the crisp shirts on your lean body … yah baby that’s what we go to watch on the 70 mm screen when it’s a Salman movie. Gripping story, tight screenplay, coherent plot, nerve-racking climax …well, those can wait. Let our eyeballs feast on you first. What say?

We know, & you know it too, that you are not much of an actor. Nobody could have put it better than you, when you said in an interview, “I don’t act. I just play myself in every movie”.

Your filmography is a revelation.Interestingly, for all your machismo, there hasn’t been a single kiss on screen, or a bedroom number, or even a “too close for comfort” hugging scene in any of your movies. You’ve always maintained an arm’s length from your heroines on screen (& perhaps grabbed them full on - off it!) & never indulged in any form of titillation. Your friend Aamir has smooched a couple of them already, especially both the Kapoor sisters! Had you wanted, you could have easily been the ‘original serial kisser’ of the industry & taught Emraan a lesson or two. Would the starlets have complained? I think not. But the thing is, you chose not to walk that path; kudos to you for that.

With “Being Human”, you have surely atoned for all your sins, right here, right now. Even before this organization, the instances where you have stood up for & supported & helped another life are far too many. Garib ke dil se, jo dua nikalti hai, woh seedha bhagwan ke dil ko choothi hai. I am sure you are one of the few celebrities, who finds himself in the prayers of many, who were touched by the acts of your kindness.

The janta loves you, warts & all. It’s the way you make us feel.

Movies

Aah..that's one of the two words around which my whole world revolves {the other being travel}. Movies is in my blood & veins & arteries & nerves & breath & every beat of my heart. I am a complete sucker for the experience of watching a 70mm screen come alive with colors & sound & characters & dance & sound & what have you. It's magical!

I have grown up like that i guess. Both my parents were big time movie fanatics. In those good old days of Bombay (sorry Mr. Thackeray cant EVER get myself to call my birth city by any other name) they used to get these VCRs on hire. It was a big ritual really. You had to book a particular movie, the VCR, the time & day & the VCR guy would come over & fix it up to your telly. All this while, we - that is the entire family plus our neighbours who came in assorted sizes would throng the small living room. We would wait with bated breaths for Rajesh Khanna or Rajendra Kumar or Jumping Jack or Sridevi or Jayaprada to tell us their 'dard bhari' kahaanis.

I remember dancing passionately to the tunes of "Dafliwale Dafli Bajaa" and "Chodo Chodo meri baahein meri rahein aa haa aa". Dafliwale was Jayaprada's number & Chodo chodo was Reena Roy's. I even staged a huge tamasha saying i 'had' to get the black dress that Reena Roy wore in that song. This was when i was in my 2nd or 3rd std. Three decades ago. Almost.

I never got that dress. I have the images etched vividly in my mind's eye. My smile as I raised my hand to represent an imaginary 'dafli', the indulgent smirks of my 'fan club' - the neighbourhood aunties, my tears shed for that coveted dress. It's like I am watching a movie right now. Decades later, today, I remember every emotion I felt back then.

I am still the same. The only difference is - I can now go right ahead & buy what I see being worn on screen. But i don't! :)

My other specialty is I cry in EVERY movie. Buckets!!

Except of course Prince (where's the story boss?)and Love Sex Aur Dhoka and Just Maath Maathalli. For the last one, I wanted to kill myself for watching it, i wanted to kill the theatre owner for playing it, Sudeep for his stupid direction & even stupider acting, the producer for putting his money into this most 'dead' projects of a film ever. oops....i digressed!

Now Sathya and I have successfully transferred our 'movie crazy genes" to Tanvi. She watched her first film when she was just one month old. Spiderman. Her second movie was the very next day - Krishh.

She has her brand of movies she enjoys. One with the least dialogue & the most dazzling songs & eye-ball popping, dare-devil action. She slept through My Name is Khan, though she is an SRK fan. The three of us are loyal fans of the 3 Khans - Sathya adores Sallu bhai and me - Aamir.

The only thing i dont like about theatres is the smell of buttered popcorn or even plain popcorn. Yuck! My poison is a delectable chocobar. Among the theatres i love frequenting, PVR (Forum) definitely tops the list. Cauvery and Vaibhav come a close second. These 2 are actually like a second home.

Looking forward to Inox in Mantri Mall now.