05 May 2011

Holier Than Thou


Ever been with a person who thinks she has all the answers? The stuffy, rigid, straitlaced person with a closed mind? The one who pretends everything is perfect in her life? The quick to judge & quick to advice type, who is a ready reference of the Do’s & don’ts of life, who secretly endorses the dictum, “If shit happens, cover it up”? We mothers drill this “good girl - bad girl” concept into our daughters’ minds almost from the time they’re in our wombs & then, Lo! Behold! They grow up to be the moral guardians of the society (an unofficial Sri Ram Sainik!!)

When will they appreciate, that every face has a story. Just because my story is different from yours doesn’t make you any better or worse than me. Questions of morality are petty in the larger scheme of things & very subjective & so damn twisted, it’s not worth the fret.

Interestingly, morality is also relative, in terms of time. Love marriages, in the 60’s & 70’s, were a crime. 30 years on, they are no longer frowned upon. We now have the “love cum arranged” marriage!! If the boy is “well-settled” parents arrange the wedding, despite caste/religion. So, will you still sneer at your ageing aunt who ran away from home & got married to her ‘other caste’ lover?

Divorce is accepted as inevitable in many countries but is still a dirty word in ours. Here, a divorced woman is an eyesore & always the one to be blamed for the marriage to have failed. Can’t we stop belittling a divorcee (whatever the reasons for the divorce) & for once, try & empathize? How can we judge a daughter based on what the mother did? Or a father based on what his son did?

What irks me is these so-called “religious” people sitting in judgment over others’ lives. These monthly church or temple going, weekly fasting & daily praying-before-dinner type of “holy” pricks don’t understand one simple & basic truth of the Bible repeated many times over: that you’re no one, nobody, to judge others, least of all your friends, for Christ’s sake. Even Jesus didn’t. Then who the hell are you to pass character certificates on others? ‘To each his own’ for God’s sake.


Who are these people anyways? Neighbors - why should you care for their opinion? Friends - if they don’t understand you but instead speak ill of you, then baby, they ain’t your friends no more!! Relatives - do they’ve anything better to do in life than denigrate others? The world has moved on. But some of us are still stuck in our tight little world of prejudices & self–righteousness.

8 comments:

  1. @Sujatha: It is not new to have people in society with a "holier than thou" attitude.
    People think they have better morals than others.
    We can never judge what a person goes through, what he/she faces, and why is he/she reacting so.. unless we have faced the same situation. I really cannot understand when they stand they makes faces/judgements/gossip/remark people standing in a comfortable position.

    I second your opinion on this topic Sujatha. Nicely written.
    I usually turn deaf ears to such people. Else I might slap them right away. (with words or literally)

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  2. @Spicy Sweet: "i turn deaf ears ...else i might slap them" ... that brought a smile on my face beause i know the feeling :)))

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  3. Usually when someone is lecturing me in such things...I have this uncontrollable habit of rolling my eyes wich clearly say,"what the fuck? Here we go again !" But I have come across people who dont get the hint and want to finish their social service,so I play a great song in my mind and go duh!

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  4. @ suz: right.some people just dont get it, do they? argh!!

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  5. Isn't this Victorian morality or double standards that you are talking about ! I would go with Spicy Sweet !

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    1. thanks for reading the post aarkay!
      btw, what's your name? ok this is crazy that i am asking your name now...but well...i searched on your profile page and didn't find

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  6. I always make it a point to listen to people who really matter in my life, my family and my closest friends. Others opinions mean absolutely nothing to me. I never trust my neighbors, or relatives or my so called friends.

    I really felt the anger bursting out of you, especially in the last two paragraphs. :D

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    1. haha yeah i seem to have been very angry when i wrote this! and i can remember now "who" triggered this post!

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