From Your Partner’s Wardrobe

What would you borrow from your partner’s wardrobe? I have absolutely no clue what the men would want to take from their woman’s wardrobe but I am sure many women would love to trade their man’s white shirt. After all, most men do have a great range of formal white shirts. [Aside: just wondering: why on earth do they really have those many whites? So that it makes them, the mean monsters, look decent & genteel?]

You have heard of the saying “size does matter”, right? It surely does in my case. Considering my man is a towering six footer, & me a Lilliput at five feet, there really isn’t much I can borrow from his wardrobe, without ending up looking like a drag queen. What can I, a petite woman at 50kg, take from the wardrobe of a man who is a little over 98 kg & still counting? Well, nothing except his bath towel! The one that discolors within two days of being used? How gross! No, thank you. Or maybe his handkerchiefs! Hell, no! Not that.

What a pity!

If I COULD [note: ‘could’ being the operative word here. I can’t, because his foot is a like mini cricket bat, for which he shops asking for “the last size (meaning something beyond size 12!)& still doesn’t find one that fits him!]; I really wish I could borrow his black Red Tape shoes: elegant, classy, and sturdy. You see, women’s shoes are mostly elegant, classy but rarely sturdy. No, I am not talking about floaters.

But since I can’t, I may have to settle for his collection of deodorants. On second thoughts, no…not that either. Imagine me, walking around town, Axe sprayed all over me. And imagine still, the reactions of a special category of men who are turned on by a woman with a ‘manly’ scent! Or worse, the disapproving glances of another, more normal category of men who really like a woman to smell like one. No, this won’t do.

Since clothes, & shoes are ruled out & the thought of borrowing his bath towel is freaking me out, I am left with no option but to borrow a quality about him that I entirely lack & jo usme koot koot ke bhara hai. His charm! What I really would like to take from him would be his charm.

But wait…no, sorry, I take that back. I am definitely not going to talk about his charming ways (with women, men, and the world). After all, the one important take-away from blogging that I’ve chanced upon is: “Don’t praise your spouse in your blog”. That line in italics, bold & underlined. He gets away with all the adulation and you are left stranded. My readers (both fellow bloggers & old friends) have remarked about “he seems to be a nice guy”, or something to the tune of “how sweet of him”, & so on & so forth. Arey…topic ke baare mein soche hum, pura essay type karen hum, apne aap se baaten karte huye pagal dikhe hum, aur phal lejaye patidev? BASSS! Ab aur nahin!

So, here I am. I have finally arrived at my considered decision & that decision is: I am not borrowing anything from my partner’s wardrobe for reasons elaborately orchestrated above. Uff…what a humongous waste of time this entire exercise has been!