23 December 2011

A Wedding & A Bachelor

He has many avatars - 'chota chatri' on Twitter, 'the game returns' on Email, & 'maniac hunter' on Blog. The man in question, Madhav Mishra, is someone I’ve been reading since the past 4 months. His blog is aptly named Simple Stories’ - the stories & the narrative style both are so simple, & yet endearing, that you can’t help but come away with a smile, when you close the browser window to his blog.


It’s been exactly a month, yes complete THIRTY days, since he sent this post that he wrote for me. He was the FIRST one to respond to my request for a GP. I’m guilty of sitting on his post for so long that, now, without any further delay, putting you on to him in

A Wedding & A Bachelor:


I recently attended a marriage in my community after 6-7 years & that too in Delhi. Since I’ve moved to Delhi from Bangalore, a lot of things have changed. For example, every 3rd day, a new relative pops up, in some area somewhere in Delhi. So this mama of my dad came from thin air & turns out he has a son who is getting married which I had to attend. There was only 1 catch: contrary to their claim, I had not seen ANYONE from that part of my family. So I ‘SUITed UP’ & it took a good 1 & half hours along with a LOT of weird stares in metro to reach my destination.


The thing about attending marriage in my community is you will meet a lot of people who are related to you. So I did a lot of bending (read touching feet) before I found a place to sit between gents where I was grilled with questions like ‘what I do, where do I live, whether my cook is male or female & WHY AM I NOT MARRIED’ for some time. Before I knew it, the news spread like fire that I am NOT married. And I found out that my relatives work in ‘oh my god’ to ‘holy crap’ to ‘you ve got to be kidding me’ firms.


And when I was taken to the female den to meet them, they were already prepared with their set of questions. I couldn’t wait for the baraat to leave & reach the banquet hall. Finally, amidst a LOT of dhol sounds & really annoying music (it will be pure cruel to call it music, it is annoying to say the least). I didn’t know I hated so many songs. The band was voted useless because they asked for tea & could not play ‘chammak challo’.


Since a lot of my folks had come from native place (a place in Bihar which according to mythology, was ruled by King Janak), they were confused as to what a banquet actually is & why the bride’s side hasn’t set up a pandaal instead. The thing that makes my folks different from any person in the rest of India is, we like to eat & feed. Not your average eat but I-can’t-walk-after-eating eat. There is a saying in my region ‘if you don’t have a pot belly, your family doesn’t love you’


So the two major questions were ‘are we supposed to stand & eat?’ ‘Why are they giving packaged glasses?’ Since a lot of people could not find place to wash hands, the dustbins were overflowing in no time along with the ‘small’ plates. And the good thing about attending a wedding where not many people know you is, you can eat LIKE-A-PIG & still get away *BURRRP*


So, when the time for the dinner came, the bride’s father had to arrange for proper tables chairs for everybody to sit & eat because buffet system is for beggars & it’s insulting to ask for food. Ideally, the host should serve & force people to eat it (those of you frowning wait till you meet any of my folks at a party cribbing about the arrangements. Do yourself a favor & DON’T try to reason with them)


The wedding proceedings start after the dinner & go up till wee hours in the morning so the people eat, take a nap & still come for blessing the couple in the morning. God bless the guy who kept pestering the catering people to open up the coffee stall because it helped me watch the marriage ceremony till the morning. I still can’t understand how bride/groom sit with a straight face while speaking those stupid vows (I will share my body, WEALTH & soul with you.)

59 comments:

  1. oh yes...being a Bihari i can very well visualize this scenario....:)

    Actually the reason might be that these ppl about whom you r talking about might be from small village n may not have got that type of exposure...so from their point of view its justified i think ...thats what i feel....:D

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  2. well for me it all was a new and unique to read about this experience..i have never been to an Indian Marriage..and despite the details that the author felt a lil odd..I found it interesting over all..very nice read! :-)

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  3. Ah ha you got to come for a punjabi wedding then my friend.. :) Its like jaldi jaldi finish the wedding we got the EATING and drinking ot DO NOW .. so its all opposite ..

    I love wedding and any weddings in family I fly to india even if they dont invite me :) he he he he

    Bikram's

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  4. Ah relatives - love some and leave some. Same with traditions, I guess. I consider it rude to look into someone else's plate - a thing my mil and I will have to agree to disagree about forever. Nice post maniac :)

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  5. Hehe I can imagine the situation well! I had many Bihari neighbors and have attended their marriages. The relatives have made a big hue and cry about the banquet arrangements!! :D :D

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  6. I also dislike eating while standing and now a days even in buffets they have some tables and chairs for people to sit and enjoy...Indian food and dressed in sarees, I dont think its very comfortable standing and eating...

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  7. i too hate that band. though love to dance. written beautifully

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  8. Its not really mandatory to attend all the marriage ceremonies of your relatives (especially newly found ones). I should say that you have invited the whole thing and you are the only one responsible for going there in the first place :P

    Destination Infinity

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  9. Nice post. I loved the heading, and many bits of the post. In short loved it a lot :)

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  10. lol...nice narration with subtle humour.I liked the style- light,crispy,humorous!I too sometimes feel lost in marriages until I find someone equally lost as well!and concern for the bride-groom..I have tried reading the expressions on their face many a times and it seems-"they are praying to get it over ASAP,and ofcourse with an artificial smile!!"

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  11. Ah yes, Relatives are the species who too much bother about your marriage than anybody else on this Earth does.

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  12. Not having a pot belly means your family does not love you?? :O Haha!! :D In marriages, every bachelor of an eligible age gets stuck :P

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  13. Very well written post! My son is facing the question now like you, 'why he is not married yet?!'

    My side of the family, that is, Udupi people serve 3-4 sweets for wedding dinner. It is so difficult to eat. I don't know what happens to the wasted food!

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  14. Lovely post! I felt I was a part of this wedding!:)Welcome to the land of power brokers- Delhi :)

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  15. @ashok thanks

    @irfanuddin oh yes they were from small places and this was their first time in city

    @factsandnonsense appreciate it coming from a handle like that :P

    @mishi you know another thing about indian weddings, there is NO guest list.so next time you see one.just get in

    @bikramjiti have been to a punjabi wedding last year and it was the same story + LOT of booze

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  16. @kayem thanks, and about your mil, well people have their opinions.the name is madhav though :)

    @minlove so there, some one who understands me +1

    @renu no seriously, respect for females for pulling that saree+ dinner thing. not an easy job i must say while also paying full attention to the price of each piece of jwellery other female's are wearing

    @unspoken words teehee *hi5*

    @destination infinity ...next time will keep that in mind.it was written sarcastically.i didnt mean to offend any one

    @writing bee thanks for loving the bits :)

    @rohit you are an analyst arent you? ;)

    @gargi you look tortured lady, guess other story is the same.thanks for reading

    @philo i am damn serious, my mother wont let me go on a diet because of that

    @sandhya say hello to your son, and trust me he is as irritated as i am

    @rahul bhatia...oh ji walcome walcome BALLE BALLE thanks for reading

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  17. At the cost of being branded a weirdo by the readers of this blog and a heretic by all at home, I thought of sharing this opinion - that the world over and in all cultures, weddings are more of a torturous ritual for all participants, when they should actually be a celebration of love and togetherness. Done. Calling Elvis?

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  18. Hi Sujatha, just like you described- simple and endearing! enjoyed reading it. Cannot wait to check out some more. I love the 'I can't walk after eating' eat. Its so true. Families take offense if they say no when you serve them even after the 100th time :) My dad falls into that category. :D

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  19. MADDY!! Guest post!! Wah wah!!

    A nice descriptive piece! I thought you will add a line or two about how you enjoyed the female attention you got at the wedding!! But i guess food was the only thing to keep you occupied there!!

    Sujatha : Great choice for a guest post!!

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  20. I guess, it's a kind of an 'after night wedding ceremony'. That sounds cool, ain't it??? Entertaining post!!!

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  21. @Cna: m glad you liked it Seena. yes pls do check out some more of his posts.

    @Upasana: thanks Upasana, yes it is :)

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  22. I can understand the buffet part(beggar part) very well as I have experienced it.

    Simple but forceful.

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  23. Can totally understand being a North Indian and recently attended my brother's wedding in Delhi. The last part of the post -- the bride and the groom will be wide awake and will say anything that the situation demands :). Only those married will understand this.

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  24. very humorous take on the wedding procedures. I can just imagine you being interrogated for your 'singleness' as if it is a crime! :)

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  25. North Indian marriages are different when compared to south Indian style !!

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  26. South Indian/North Indian, weddings are boring!

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  27. @mithlash thank you

    @neeraj .. trust me i didnt mean to get forceful et all

    @rachna hee hee hee then you kind of KNOW what i have been through, but ladies kind of enjoy weddings no?

    @anjuli nice name i must say..oh yes YOU BET!

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  28. @sheril ... yiou know the north/south difference in the name isnt the only difference than ;)

    @ana...oh cmmon no guy asked you for a coffee in a marriage?

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  29. @subhorup well what can i say, 2 people starting a new life and they are the's suffering the most in all the celebration. hypocrisy?

    @cna hee hee hee same pinch...even my dad, its considered an insult if the person in question can walk after eating

    @upasana... relatives all around so i thought this time i ll give the oggling a miss and concentrate on food.although i did find out that i had LOTS of bhabhi's ;) they said i look like hritik *pulls out ray ban and slowly put's it on*

    @akshay thanks for reading and taking out the time to comment

    @sriramnivas yaa they ve been doing this since ages so i guess they figured it out. thanks for reading

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  30. Haha! :P Don't diet then :D Keep eating :) And pass on that weight to me. I need it :P

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  31. I love dancing and eating at weddings.Both are important.I cant sit for the love of anything through all the rasmeys.Weddings are places where you can never get bored,there are so many characters to look at and guys or gals,the fashion and behaviour to look at.Its just fun.Liked the post Maniac hunter.Made me think of all the weddings I had attended and of course made me smile.

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  32. Thanks to both of you for an interesting read .The post made me smile through out and i chuckled at ,"is your cook male or female ".Indian weddings no matter how chaotic they are ,i enjoy them .
    Happy 2012 to you and yours :):)

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  33. I guess Indian weddings are same no matter what religion u follow :) Lots of fun, masti, good food and fat aunties gossiping and yeah how can I forget the pairing/horoscope exchanging of other unmarried ladies and guys in the wedding hall :P

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  34. Interesting read!!
    LOL @ "Not your average eat but I-can’t-walk-after-eating eat...‘if you don’t have a pot belly, your family doesn’t love you’" My God!!

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  35. @philo .. western union doesnt transfer fat no? guess then we ll have to do it 'merchant of venice' way :P

    @suzan my guess...you are NOT married! thanks for reading

    @kavita thanks for the kind words.happy new year to you too

    @prasanna oh yes only if you ignore the part where they keep shoving tradition in your face.

    @shilpa those are true words my lady.you need to meet ppl from our community and they ll tell you

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  36. Madhav :) you got me back some really funny memories ! at my wedding 4 years back, i remember sitting there, trying to look coy, since my mother had her eyebrows raised at my wide grin. but being in bihar, feb nights are chilly so there i sat with a crowd of people, having their drinks and appetizers, talking loudly about my smile, my husbands fair feet (wth)my fathers first car and oh the masterpiece "someone in my family was caught in Brazil for being bad" please figure out wat "bad " means..Bengali weddings i tell you..eternal gossip satisfaction !!!

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  37. Great embedded humor in it !! Keep up your great work !

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  38. ROFL... Weddings r such funny business... The worst part is when relatives come up to u and ask, "Do you know me?"!!! And u have no clue who they are, but bluff saying "Of course!!! How are you? where have u been so long?"

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  39. @sulagna...well i will take that as a compliment..hee hee hee i always look at the bride in weddings and imagine what trouble she must be going through keeping a straight face all the time

    @amit .. thanks for reading

    @john...and the classic reply i have kept ready...'and hows everything at home' and they start :P thanks for reading

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  40. you are talking about the vows...think how they pose for those photo sessions..(Gwad).. and the scene you described is not confined to this particular wedding.. you take any wedding whether Indian or foreign they all have their set of dramas.. :) :)

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    1. @sukupedia...i always believe that bride and groom are the most tortured people in a marriage, so i DO understand.foreign(christian) weddings are all well planned no?

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  41. Hahaha!! is it strange that I want to attend a wedding now?

    Happy New Year to you and the family :)

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    1. oh call me too when you are going, i will get new materials and post a part -2 ;) happy new year to you too :) thanks for reading

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  42. Nice posting describing the details of a wedding.
    Wish you Happy and Prosperous New year.

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    1. thanks for the kind words.happy new year to you too

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  43. LOL, really nicely written...

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  44. Nice GP...Madhav, your post definitely had a good sense of humor and sarcasm.. It reminded me of Chetan Bhagat's dig on Tam Brams and their weddings in the book "Two States"..

    Nice read :)


    Cheers,
    Anand.
    Life's like that

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    Replies
    1. 'HAD' ???? :( anyways thanks for reading.i guess that will be a compliment

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    2. oops, it is definitely a compliment... I enjoyed reading it!! :)

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  45. Small bits of content which are explained in details, helps me understand the topic, thank you!
    Banquet Halls in Los Angeles

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