8 Marriages & 2 Oscars

That’s how, one of the media features on Elizabeth Taylor, described her life, after her death recently. It caught my attention. I thought it was odd to summarize a person’s life that way; two major milestones – marriage & career – numbered!!

Taylor was an accomplished actress, a mother, a fashion/style icon, was infamous for possessing some of the most incredible pieces of diamond jewelry, & had also worked towards AIDS. None of that mattered now. Her seven husbands & eight marriages did! Ok, the 7-8 because she had married Richard Burton twice! After 10 years of marriage, the couple divorced. 16 months later, they remarried. 10 months later, they were divorced a 2nd time!

The thing I found fascinating about Elizabeth was she always ‘officially’ married the man she loved. She could have easily had one of those flings/one-night stands/affairs, whatever you call it, with the person she was so passionately attracted to. She need not have committed herself into an institution. But she did. She didn’t just love & leave. She married.

We humans still find it abnormal, strange that a woman should or can have more than one husband. [Aside: animals seem to be quite okay with a female having multiple mates!!]. And if any woman has had, then, invariably, only that becomes the highlight of her life.

Would a man be described similarly? “Mr. NMY - 5 Marriages, 7 Live-ins, 4 Divorces, 20 kids, and 1 Oscar”? No, probably not. Why not, I wonder!? Why is marriage the identity definer only for a woman? Men tend to become more responsible, mature, and caring after marriage. Marriage has that sobering, settling effect on them. Well, at least, I believe it does! So, shouldn’t it be a differentiator essentially for a man than a woman? I know women who have totally and completely submerged their identities with their husbands’ and are seemingly happy about it. They never fail to fascinate me!

By the way, what would MY last line be? Woman married to the same man for X years? Ha! I am not quite sure if I want to be remembered just or only as Sathya’s wife. Of course, it is an important aspect, very important, of my life. But it’s just that I have done things without & in spite of him too. He came into my life when I was 28. A major portion lived, without even knowing, he existed.

Freedom from Fuel Hikes

What can we do to be from fuel hikes? Here are a couple of things right off the top of my head.

Maybe it’s time to go back to our forefathers’ mode of transport: use horses instead of cars. But no, that won’t do. Horses were used only by the king & his men. So we the aam aadmi can try cows and donkeys. They are easy on our shrinking pockets – no refueling, no servicing & low maintenance.

Instead of ambulance, hospitals can utilize the services of the ubiquitous bullock cart. The bullocks will surely navigate through traffic better. All they have to do is poke the guy who doesn’t let them go through! They can assure patients of better & faster service. And all this with no fuel!

Our dear politicians can be given the work from home option. That is, if they finally, really, want to work. No force, no compulsions, please! Zabardasti nahin! And if they do agree to it, all those ‘lalbattis’ will be off the road. Utopia!

The racer boys can be requested to switch from drag races to cycle races. Instead of burning fuel, burn rubber!

And while we are at it, we can give it a shot & ask Dr. Vijay Mallya, who is busy with the upcoming Formula One racing, to invent a car that runs on beer. Nothing is impossible for our own Mr. Flamboyant.

To Me, With Love

Who hasn’t been at the receiving end of unsolicited advice from well-meaning aunts & uncles? I am sure all of us, growing up, have been advised by pesky relatives. The ‘why did you do this/’, ‘that is so bad’, ‘good girls don’t do that’, ‘stop doing this’, ‘do it this way’, the endless list of their uncalled for Do’s & Don’ts. Is there anyone at all who has ever escaped this phase of growing up unscathed by their sermons? I didn’t.

But the irony is, now that I’m on the other side of 30, I’m ready to give it too!! But hey, no, not to you! I’m sure you guys are all mature, wise, smart, intelligent, politically & socially correct, good, & righteous people (did I go too far?!). Well, the advice is meant only for me, a younger me, me at 16, sweet 16, if you may. So, here I go:

Dear Suji,
That’s what everyone at home calls you except your younger brother who calls you Sujiakka which said fast becomes suyiakka (suyi for needle) & I know you hate it when it sounds like that. Fret not, once he is all grown up he’ll just call you by your full name!

The year is 2011. And I am 34. This number gives me a privilege to bestow upon you all my learning. [Please don’t smirk at this. I know you’ll or already are. FYI (for your info), I DID learn a few things along the way]. Remember, these advices are meant only as a guide, so that you can ride the roller-coaster that is life, a little more smoothly, a little more confidently.

Let’s tackle the ‘serious’ issues first:

Number 1: Pls don’t cry so much. I see Tanvi crying for the silliest of reasons today (& sometimes for no reason at all) & I so hate you for passing on your ‘weepy’ genes to her. You’ve no idea how difficult it is to console a forever crying kid. You may yourself call her “cry-baby”. So, PLS in Christ’s name, DON’T CRY. It never has and never will solve anything.


Number 2: Please don’t worry so much, especially about your finances. You’ll always work (yes, even when, for a brief period, you don’t want to!) & that means, you’ll always be financially independent. I know this is your biggest fear. Don’t you worry, you’ll always have enough money to shop/eat/travel (within India), & generally enjoy life. Also, don’t lose sleep over your savings. It’s in your nature to save, & then, go right ahead and, spend what you saved. But since, you spend it on the good things of life, CHILL.


Number 3: Pls don’t be so nice to all the people all the time. Some people deserve shit. Give them what they deserve.
Ignore the people who try to bring you down or talk down to you. Overlook your relatives & neighbors who comment on everything. And while you’re at it, TO HELL WITH some of your school friends. They’ll never appreciate you. So stop trying.

Now for the trivial ones:

1. Stop wearing those matching earrings, neck chains, bags & clothes.
2. Eat curd. Not because people find it odd that you don’t but because it’s really good for your skin & those hateful pimples that seem to simply love you.
3. Identify & eat all vegetables or at least the ones you grow in your own land.

4. Learn to cook, at least your mother’s famous fish curries. You’ll surely miss her combination of bangda fish curry with ladies finger sabji & live to regret that you didn’t take the trouble nor had the interest to learn it.

To end on a good note: Continue to read the many books you read. I’m amazed that you even read the piece of paper that is used to wrap peanuts. That’s how voracious a reader you are. Good for you. That’s what will one day help you write this letter & maybe even blog about it! :)

Love you
Sujatha

Can I Get Pregnant?

That’s what the pregnancy clause entails - an actress can't get pregnant during the making of the film. The clause hit national headlines a few weeks back, no thanks to Mr. Amitabh Bachchan, who gallantly announced his ‘soon-going-to-be grandfather’ status on Twitter. Is that fair – the clause? I have thought long &hard about it. Strip me of my feminism & put me in the shoes of the producer/director/company that invests crores into a venture as risky as the movie making business, I would say YES. It is right about fair.

Acting and modeling are professions unlike any other. They are hugely dependent on how you look. An actor’s (male/female) job is to look a certain way in the films he/she has agreed to work on. Physicality, body language, weight, dressing, health, safety everything matters a great deal for the entire duration of the film. How can an actor, 4 months into her term, be expected to perform the tasks given to her which includes smoking, drinking, extensive travelling, outdoor shoots that requires you to be away from home for long periods of time so on & so forth? No producer in his sane mind would want to do that. Why would he? God forbid, should there be an untoward incident, an accident or any unfortunate event, who will pay? Don’t we all know that film making is as much about art & creativity as it is about making money. And so it should be.

Hollywood is known to have a clause for such sticky situations. They mandate that the lead actors don’t indulge in high risk activities like skiing, horse riding, flying planes or racing cars. And this is clearly understood & perfectly adhered to by one & all. Their logic is simple & straight-forward: If you slip, you pay. That’s professionalism.

Are actresses no naïve not to know that, it is for their physical beauty, that they charge a fee which runs into a couple of crores? Professional that she is, why did Aishwarya wait for so long & then abruptly let her father-in-law announce the news to the world? Shouldn’t the director/producer know this critical piece of information directly from her or at least from her PR personnel & well in advance, & not through a social networking site? Even during the promotions of the film in Cannes, she was reportedly already carrying, & yet went about the whole shindig with happy abandon, while the poor director & producer remained clueless about the shock that was to befall them shortly afterwards.

Are we saying she herself wasn’t aware of the situation? That to me is an outrageous assumption. Even teenagers know that a pregnancy can be confirmed within a month of missing your cycle (no…not the one you ride!!). Don’t we know OTC (over the counter) pregnancy test kits, for as low as Rs 50, are easily available in every medical store worth its name in every nook & corner of a city especially like Mumbai? These days, just as unwanted pregnancies can be terminated, they can be planned well in advance too. And if an unplanned pregnancy did take place, an actor should take the producer/director into confidence.

I don’t understand why career-minded women would or should have a problem with the clause? The multiple zeroes in their coveted pay check, the media attention, the fame, the benefits, the fan following, the instant recognition, the free lunches, the party invites, the luxury, the glamour – all this is offered to them on a platter thanks to a profession that puts a premium on looking good. They don’t seem to be complaining about of any of that!!