07 September 2017

Why Me?

I recently watched many videos on YouTube on Rheumatoid Arthritis. The first time I heard that word was from a friend who said she had it. The videos disturbed me and I recalled snippets of her blog entries describing similar experiences.

This friend had first appeared in my high school class in the middle of an academic year. The Gulf war had broken out and they had to flee and come back to India. She was stout, with a big, round mouth and prominent teeth and a big laugh. In my eyes, everything was big about her except her hair. Her hair was short. Or what we called, bob cut. I, the villager, didn’t know then that there was a country called Kuwait. Since she had come from “foreign”, I thought she ate a lot of chocolates and was privileged.

Some people’s struggles with sickness are the stuff that many of us cannot imagine. But it resonates with people who suffer similarly; just as she has found strength and comfort in reading those that have suffered more than her. But is that the purpose of her life - to inspire others like her. Motivate those who may be having a harder time than her; to say to them, to not give up; to hold on for just a day more; to keep the faith. That despite her illness, she has found ways and means to share laughter and jokes, build friendships with people she may not have met in real life or renew those from her past – online. To experience the selfless love of her spouse who stood beside her like a rock of Gibraltar. That life can have meaning even when one feels there is none. That the daily chores of cooking, cleaning and washing can either turn into an unbearable drudgery or ways to engage one -self in tasks that keep one’s mind busy. She has lived through her illness with a lot of grace and strength. I wonder if she’d be the kind of woman she is if it weren’t for what she went through and is going through.

I have been reading a lot on the role of pain in human life. Is pain good? We all want to be happy. We actively chase happiness and do everything in our capacity to avoid pain.  Being healthy is a huge part of being happy. But what if pain befalls us? What if it is our destiny to be in a state of health that needed constant medical intervention, family support and care? How does one live through it? Why should I live through it?

Someone wrote it beautifully when he said the following. Here is a snapshot of the lines. 
Many of the stories of grief and sorrow, of loss, of bereavement, have the power to comfort another similarly suffering, weary soul. When we read some of the life experiences of people on the internet, we are thankful that our load is a lot lighter. That life truly is a gift, even when it sucks and you feel there couldn’t possibly be anything worse than this. That life is short. That some days are really good and pleasant even when there is an overcast sky outside. That family is everything. That family need not mean 10 siblings and 100 relatives. Sometimes, it’s just your spouse beside you and he alone is equal to an army. Many say grief is similar to death. When you go through something that is sorrowful, your old soul dies and you have to recreate your life from nothing but the will to live. You know that if you have been able to get through this, the worst, you can get through anything.

Pain cleanses and purifies us in a way that happiness cannot. I guess the people who suffer unbearable physical or emotional pain leave behind a whiff of hope - that all is still not lost. I remember reading the story of this labourer from Rajasthan who was gang-raped, and was left to die on a railway track. Her mother tried to make some money by brokering a deal with the rapists and then, abandoned her. She is fighting a legal battle, all alone. She is now working for an NGO and learning to read and write. One life and such power to transform the lives of others! 

30 comments:

  1. Agreed. Keep re-defining yourself from all the challenges....!!!

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  2. Hari OM
    Rheumatoid arthritis has been with me since childhood; now there is osteo to add to it. It is quite simply that we have a choice. Succumb and 'go under', or just get on with it, make life happen anyway. I chose the latter and seems your pal did too! It is not necessarily a conscious thing; one is either a bouyant personality by nature or not and this is what makes all the difference - - whether or not there is pain in the mix. That all said, from the purely philosophical perspective, how can anyone understand what is happiness for them if there is not something against which to measure it? Great post Sujatha! YAM xx

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    1. Oh I didn't know you had RA too. Sorry to hear that.
      Yes, I now understand that in situations like these, "just get on with it" is the mental frame of mind and true, no night no day.

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  3. That story at the end is heartbreaking. What was wrong with her mother?? That is just unfathomable. I am encouraged to hear she is doing better and became a fighter. Her destiny was not defeat, but triumph, like this:

    "What if it is our destiny to be in a state of health that needed constant medical intervention, family support and care?"

    No. I don't know how to say it, but I want to scream it loud enough for the whole world to hear. No. That is not your or our destiny. We live in a broken world. The young woman at the end of your post could tell us that, but our destiny is not of this world.


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    1. Ok, I will calm down now, :) Sorry I went a little crazy in the comments here.

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    2. Poverty, Sandi. It is hard and cruel. It can make the best of us mean animals. Like her mother.

      Yes, I agree with you...it is a story of triumph.

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    3. Oh and I am ok with you going crazy with the comments ....some stories make me lose my sleep over them

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  4. Pain is essential. It will deflate our egos a bit. If left unchecked, our egos have the potential to reach sky high.

    Destination Infinity

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  5. Sometimes people who don't deserve it are also inflicted with pain. That's not always a punishment, it's also done to prepare people for life's reality ahead of them.

    Destination Infinity

    Destination Infinity

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  6. A most sensitive and cogent post. Throughout my life, I have pursued the regenerative power of poetry. Yes, there is pain because I am an old man now, but I am only a young poet.

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    1. I have had the privilege of reading some of your verses

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  7. This was very motivating. Everyone is in some sort of pain or the other I think. Some physical, others mental and if one is lucky, BOTH.

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  8. The stone that takes blows becomes a beautiful statue ....with pain we grow

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  9. Pain is inevitable in everyone's life: only the intensity is different. And for each one, his or her pain and suffering is the biggest in the world.
    One learns a lot from it. Like you said, it cleanses unlike happiness.
    Some pain can be removed altogether, but some can only be lessened and we need to live with it.
    Once we realize that pain is a part of everyone's life, acceptance of that pain becomes easier for us.

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  10. philosophy of pain..
    well wrought

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  11. True,Sujatha, you have unleashed the fact that any mode of suffering will cleanse off the I'll from minds.Well explained.Nice.

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  12. Very nice post. I merely stumbled upon your journal and wished to mention that I even have extremely enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. finally I’ll be subscribing on your feed and that i am hoping you write once more terribly soon!

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