The Birthday Frock

The park reverberated with the screams and cries of the neighborhood children. The exercise equipment meant for the adults was taken over by the kids.  Whether their brittle bones could handle the stress of gym equipment was a matter of least consequence.

They giggled and raced each other as they did the squats and the waist turns and the push ups. The sun was inching towards his descent and the parents were getting impatient to take their kids home. But there was no sign of the games ending any time soon. I knew, slowly, the scene would change.

In less than half an hour, I would see mothers dragging their kids away from the swing and the slide. I would see fathers sternly ordering their kids to begin marching home-wards. But there was still time for all that.

As I sat there, watching the proceedings, I noticed two girls, playing in the sand, under the tree. The older one must have been around 11 and the younger around 8. The eight-year-old looked like the daughter of the labourer who was working in the building that was being constructed right across the park.

Just then, the mother of the older one walked in. The daughter saw her, ran to her and asked her if she had bought her birthday frock.

The girl’s birthdays fell a day apart.

The younger one wore the same birthday frock that the older one had worn for her previous birthday. She was on cloud nine.

The older one wore the new frock for a day, threw it on the floor once the party was over and forgot all about it. The novelty had already worn out for her. She was already making a list of what she wanted for her next birthday.

Her mother quietly picked up the Rs 3000/- frock from the floor, caressed it and mentally made a note of giving it away to the laborer's daughter for her next birthday.

Some children will be happy with used frocks and some not even with new ones. The joy that a new one brings to the face of the rich kid can never match the joy the poor kid feels even with old one.

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Why Me?

I recently watched many videos on YouTube on Rheumatoid Arthritis. The first time I heard that word was from a friend who said she had it. The videos disturbed me and I recalled snippets of her blog entries describing similar experiences.

This friend had first appeared in my high school class in the middle of an academic year. The Gulf war had broken out and they had to flee and come back to India. She was stout, with a big, round mouth and prominent teeth and a big laugh. In my eyes, everything was big about her except her hair. Her hair was short. Or what we called, bob cut. I, the villager, didn’t know then that there was a country called Kuwait. Since she had come from “foreign”, I thought she ate a lot of chocolates and was privileged.

Some people’s struggles with sickness are the stuff that many of us cannot imagine. But it resonates with people who suffer similarly; just as she has found strength and comfort in reading those that have suffered more than her. But is that the purpose of her life - to inspire others like her. Motivate those who may be having a harder time than her; to say to them, to not give up; to hold on for just a day more; to keep the faith. That despite her illness, she has found ways and means to share laughter and jokes, build friendships with people she may not have met in real life or renew those from her past – online. To experience the selfless love of her spouse who stood beside her like a rock of Gibraltar. That life can have meaning even when one feels there is none. That the daily chores of cooking, cleaning and washing can either turn into an unbearable drudgery or ways to engage one -self in tasks that keep one’s mind busy. She has lived through her illness with a lot of grace and strength. I wonder if she’d be the kind of woman she is if it weren’t for what she went through and is going through.

I have been reading a lot on the role of pain in human life. Is pain good? We all want to be happy. We actively chase happiness and do everything in our capacity to avoid pain.  Being healthy is a huge part of being happy. But what if pain befalls us? What if it is our destiny to be in a state of health that needed constant medical intervention, family support and care? How does one live through it? Why should I live through it?

Someone wrote it beautifully when he said the following. Here is a snapshot of the lines. 

Many of the stories of grief and sorrow, of loss, of bereavement, have the power to comfort another similarly suffering, weary soul. When we read some of the life experiences of people on the internet, we are thankful that our load is a lot lighter. That life truly is a gift, even when it sucks and you feel there couldn’t possibly be anything worse than this. That life is short. That some days are really good and pleasant even when there is an overcast sky outside. That family is everything. That family need not mean 10 siblings and 100 relatives. Sometimes, it’s just your spouse beside you and he alone is equal to an army. Many say grief is similar to death. When you go through something that is sorrowful, your old soul dies and you have to recreate your life from nothing but the will to live. You know that if you have been able to get through this, the worst, you can get through anything.

Pain cleanses and purifies us in a way that happiness cannot. I guess the people who suffer unbearable physical or emotional pain leave behind a whiff of hope - that all is still not lost. I remember reading the story of this labourer from Rajasthan who was gang-raped, and was left to die on a railway track. Her mother tried to make some money by brokering a deal with the rapists and then, abandoned her. She is fighting a legal battle, all alone. She is now working for an NGO and learning to read and write. One life and such power to transform the lives of others! 

The 10 Things that Make Me Feel Good

1. Waking up, after a long restful sleep, to a breakfast buffet, in a lovely resort, miles away, from your home in the city.

When we are on a vacation, we all wake up together & I actually look forward to the elaborate breakfast prepared for me by someone else! And how can I forget the variety of things on offer! What a welcome change from everyday life back in your house, where my day starts at 6 a.m, & till 8.30 I'm busy with the morning tasks: preparing breakfast & lunch, getting Tanvi ready for school, so on & so forth. Someone else cooking for me, has always figured right on top of my how-to-list of, "Simple Ways to Make Me Happy."

2. Leafing through my school yearbook & old family albums & laughing at my hairstyle, posture, dressing & face. Some of it is embarrassing alright; but then, that is how I started & then reached to being who or what I’m today. My personal growth & the journey of finding my own bearings, in this big, big world, fills me with joy & a sense of accomplishment.

Or catching up with school/college friends & laughing at the crazy things we did back then. Recently, I met my school friend, Zeena, after EIGHTEEN years!!

Seeing my daughter & her son playing together in the beach also made me feel good. Did I ever imagine this would happen one day? NEVER. So when the scene unfolded in front of my eyes, I felt all kinds of emotions – contentment, gratitude, happiness, surprise. 3. A comedy movie that makes me CRY. Ben Stiller & Steve Martin totally crack me up. I’m one of those that speak & laugh loud, completely letting my hair down. There have been times my stomach hurt & felt like it was in knots, by the end of a marathon session of uncontrolled laughter, & i have actually left the room or the seat, unable to laugh any longer & still continued to break into fits of sporadic giggles.

4. I still fit in to the blouses/clothes/jeans/t-shirt of yesteryears! This is one thing that I show-off & tease Sathya all the time about: I can easily get into a shirt I bought 7 years ago while he struggles to get into something bought as recently as four months back. Yes, he is gaining weight & how!

5. The way my skin feels & my hair smells after a languorous bath. The mixed fragrances of the body wash, the face wash, the shampoo, the conditioner & the moisturizing cream at the end of it all is HEADY! That is also the reason why I LOOVE spas – sensual indulgence is definitely my thing. Getting pampered is a good thing, I say.

6. Finding that one face I know & like, in a social or formal gathering. A huge hall filled with strange people & faces unsettles me just a wee bit & spotting a friend instantly lifts my spirits.

7. The feel of my daughter’s hand on me while she is fast asleep & I am still listening to the rhythms of her heart or her slow, soft breathing.

8. An act of goodness done by me or to me. It touches me immensely.

9. A kind gesture from a complete stranger in a completely new city. I have been to so many little nukes & corner of India that when a Telugu/Tamilian/Maharashtrian/Keralite/Goan/Bengali/Delhiite/Uttaranchal responds to you as a fellow Indian & & as a human being first & foremost, & not as a person belonging to a particular community or state, it is a moment I deeply cherish.

10. Putting my hand across my man’s chest & slowly drifting off to sleep after an evening spent worrying & crying. I cry & worry easy. Most days I console myself & spring back pretty well. But there are days when just lying next to your spouse makes it all seem small; that everything’s really ok or will be soon enough. I have realized that most of the instances I have mentioned above have one thing in common: they are, to a large extent, the moments when I have either felt beautiful in my own skin or loved and wanted by a near & dear one.

I also realized that not only do i cry/worry easy, i smile easy too. It doesn't or hasn't taken much for me to be happy. Yesterday I was so glad to visit Chitrakala Parishad. It was my first time there! And eating Vada Pav from a Goli outlet on my way back home!

Life's good! And there surely are more than 10 things that make me feel so!

First Love

Don’t know how many remember the song from Sunitha Rao that stormed into our lives one day:
Pari Hoon Main, Mujhe Na Choona

The video showed a girl falling in love with her teacher & getting hurt in the bargain. Needless to say, it was her first love, also the first time she had been hurt in love. The number of times it would break again…who knew. There was something magical about the song & the lyrics sure touched young girlie hearts.

Whoever has ever forgotten her first love? First love is very special. There is such a rush of emotions & perpetual excitement. It is then that you realize you are desirable. It makes you feel beautiful & wanted. And you want that feeling to last (if not the man, hihihi!!). You want to surrender your heart & soul to him because that is the most precious thing you have. You hope fervently that he continues to admire you all your life (till the mild shock called ‘marriage’ happens, if at all!).

The movies screw our minds with images of lovesick, handsome men pining for a woman’s love & beauty. And you wish there would be a man who would pine for your love too. Kisi mahaan aadmi ne theek kaha tha. It truly is better to have loved & lost, than never to have loved at all.

When Binu proposed to me, it took me a long time to say ‘yes’. But I must admit that even when I used to rebuff him, it definitely felt great to be wooed. The whole chase situation, the attempts to please you, the willingness to put up with any “natak / nakhras”, the many little ways they try to catch your attention, the countless things they do to impress you … oh men are great in love! I think it’s a man’s persistence in trying to win your heart that actually makes you fall in love with him. You reason, "In spite of my many No’s if he is still trying so hard to win me over, he must love me very much indeed". Oh! What wouldn’t a girl do to be truly loved by a man?

But hey, whatever happens to them when they finally do get the girl? And the moment the girl becomes wife, there is this major kahani mein twist. Is it true that we are only a conquest for you? That you tire of the ‘pataofy’ game? That once you actually get us, you want to hang up your boots & rest & relax? That now we must handle the maintenance part of the relationship because you think you have already done your bit?

Haven’t you heard Bryan Adams sing, “Have you ever really, really loved a woman?” Don’t you know loving us is a life-long investment of time? The undivided attention, the priceless, well-thought out gifts, the completely honest, heart-felt praises, please keep them coming.

No, we never tire of being praised. And admired. And being told that we look like a million bucks every day; even on the days when we are spread out on the floor scrubbing it clean in our old nighty! What do you have to lose, after all? Two sweet words a day from our pati parmeshwar’s holy lips keeps our engines running for life. How’s that for, to put it in your words, great mileage/low maintenance/super performance/excellent return on investment?

Hate us, if you must, but please don’t ignore us. Answer all our calls. Praise us at least twice a day. Admire our purchases. Shower us with sudden gifts (Whoever said gifts are only for special occasions like anniversaries & birthdays?) Pamper us with your time. Listen when we speak. Hold us tight. Tickle us into joyous laughter. Remember, we fell in love with you in the first place, because you made us laugh. Let humor be the greatest of all your gifts to us. We love you. You know we do.

My OMG Moments

Here’s a recollection of all the moments when I felt either great happiness or unbearable pain; an inexplicable fear or extreme disbelief or even the times of complete shock & horror. In short, my “Oh My God” moments or the “I Can’t Believe It” moments.

When we sighted a majestic tiger near a watering hole in a forest reserve near
Mysore. When we almost ran into a mother elephant & her cub en-route to Hunsur.

When I sat on a camel for the 1st time & felt the huge lifts in the air throughout the rocking ride. When I learnt that I had got the 1st rank in M.A

When the nurse held my just-born baby in her hands & showed me a glimpse of her face.

When I read in Grazia (May’10) that women in Ghana die in childbirth for lack of money & hospitals & doctors. Urine samples are kept in hand gloves. Such abject poverty makes your heart pray, ‘God please help them’.

When I was air-borne on my maiden flight from Hyderabad. The memory of your 1st take-off stays with you. When my letters were published in Femina(7 Apr'10) & Grazia(Mar'10) & won the gift hampers.

When I read Mills & Boon for the 1st time in high school. When I visited Akshardham in Delhi.
When I watched the horrific scene in Bandit Queen where she is gang-raped. I had gone to watch the film, ALONE, to Diana theatre in Udupi. No one would come with me to see the highly controversial ‘bad’ film & as usual, I of course, had to see it. There were only 3 girls. 2 medical students from Manipal had dared to come too. We sat huddled together in the hall. When i felt the movement of my baby in my womb for the first time.

When I looked up (quite literally) at Sathya during the wedding rite where we offer prayers to the sun god & I was barefoot & I turned to see him & realized I was really craning my neck. His head seemed out there in the sky. He is so tall!! (he is 6'3) I remember saying it in my head. Something I hadn’t noticed in the 3 months of our courtship; probably because I was always in heels then.

When Tan, who was around 1 ½ years at the time, saw me crying & wiped my eyes. I felt so loved. When, on my 1st flight landing in Bombay, the sight of the slums, just meters below, ripped my heart apart. The plane almost touches the roofs of the ramshackle houses & if you’d put your hands out of the window, I bet you’d even touch the walls. The irony is, in our cities, while there are men who earn a meager Rs 100 after an endless day’s back-breaking labor, a single radial tyre of Amitabh Bachchan’s Lexus costs Rs 2.5 lakhs. In India, utter poverty & consummate luxury live together; a string of jhopad pattis right in the backyard of a high-rise building.
When Tan was 2 1/2 months old & around 2:00 in the middle of the deep, dark night, minutes after I’d fed her, I saw milk oozing out of her nose. I didn’t know what was happening to my baby.

When I visited Vivekananda Rock Memorial in Kanyakumari for the 1st time while still in school & felt the ocean breeze against my skin. It felt like heaven on earth. I haven’t seen Kashmir, so I don’t know any better.

Rain

What is it about the monsoon that always evokes a warm, fuzzy feeling?
Especially the first showers that caress the eager earth. Is it the cold chill that envelops you?

Is it the staying indoors forcibly?

Is it watching the rain go pitter-patter through the windows of your home? Like a child with bewildered eyes watching the snowfall for the very first time?

Is it the hot cuppa chai that instantly energizes you?

Is it being caught unwares by a sudden downpour?

Is it being huddled together inside your cozy home with your spouse/child?

Is it having nothing to do but listening to the spalsh of water across the window panes and the swaying of trees against the wind?

Is it the cliched "smell of wet earth after the first shower"? As cliched as it may sound, that smell is truly the most enchanting fragrances ever.

I think it is all of these but mostly the smell of your childhood that fills your heart with a strange longing after every first shower. Because the smell takes you back to the days when you were so little, so carefree and so happy. The rains meant dancing - in complete carefree abandon.

It is that one smell that instantly reminds you of your childhood. The other being the smell of your mom's kitchen.

There is someting truly magical about Mother Earth when she is quenched after a long dry spell. It fills your senses and you want it to go on and on. More so because you know its so transitory. Here now, gone a second later.