The worst thing that can happen to a relationship is when two people no longer have anything to say to each other. It happened in my first relationship. After knowing him for eternity, we reached a point where we had nothing to talk. We had nothing to even fight about. It was my worst nightmare. No talking, no fighting. No agreements, no disagreements. No suggestions, no objections. We just lived. Like that only!
It startled me initially. I didn’t think I could be so placid about life. Mondays rolled into Tuesdays and so did one month into another. And before I knew it, we were well into our 9th year of having first met each other in college. A decade of knowing & caring for each other had gone by. He hadn’t changed in all these years. Neither had I. So what had changed? Why did I leave everything behind?
Why did I move on?
He was an honest, hardworking, patient man. He loved me. He took good care of me, was extremely responsible; an ideal family man. He was an excellent cook & was, in fact, my first tutor in the kitchen. It was he who taught me how to make rice & chicken & tea. I hate cooking, still do. All I knew when I had come to Bangalore was to make an insipid sabzi & watery dal. He was my man, best friend, brother, father, husband, cousin, boyfriend all rolled into one.
Then why did I move on?
It’s difficult to decide who one should finally marry. There are far too many things to consider - his pay, education, family, food preferences, career, age, and health. This is the traditional approach to marriage, & the safest one too. It has one of those shock absorber logic to it.
I remember reading somewhere that you should marry a man you would want to spend your holidays with. Plain & simple, isn’t it? It’s one piece of great advice for people about to tie the knot. Ask me.
I have been in love twice (‘serious’ love!) & both the times, it’s been with men who at the time were earning less than me. They were also less qualified than me in terms of educational degree & work experience. But it never struck me as significant issues. I cared two hoots (still do, by the way) for what a man earned. After all, I can earn just as much too, if not more. Who needs his money, anyways? As for the degrees, a degree is not an indicator of a man’s worth or character. I didn’t care about those either.
What did I care for, then? I cared if we could talk. I mean, you know really, really talk. Would I want to spend the Sunday lazing around the house with him? Would I look forward to our holidays & trips together? Would I feel happy even if we were just window shopping on an entire ‘off’ day? Having seen all the malls, all the theatres, all the amusement parks & all the pubs in the city, would there still be something we could do together? Would there still be that one place somewhere that we could go & have a great time? Would I be able to look forward to the little things of life? Would I be able to look beyond the salary, the furniture, the food, the clothes, & the utilities of everyday life? Would I be able to stop ‘existing’? Would I be able to truly L I V E?
That is why I moved on.