03 March 2012

I am a flirt

"I am a flirt" is a declaration you won’t hear too often, at least not from the womenfolk, definitely not publicly, & yet it remains one of the eternal truths of the workplaces I’ve been in; a willing & completely amused witness to the whimsical play of hormones. It doesn’t matter if we are single or not; most of us would’ve indulged in some form of positive flirting at least once in our lifetime.

Research says, “Healthy flirting helps workers remain happy & increases camaraderie”. The playful chuckle, the ‘I find you attractive’ vibe, the cubicle visits, the private jokes, the delirious giggle, the impish movement of the eye, things said/understood without words exchanged, the witty remarks – are, by & large, harmless & does happen in every office. It acts as a welcome break in a rather frenzied & stressful work environment. People even make efforts to look their best & don’t grudge getting ready for the ordeal called office.

However, the right attraction leading to just a light-hearted banter is a rarity. Some spread themselves too thin & abuse this relatively harmless office distraction. It turns distasteful when used in exchange for official favors; when you flirt with someone in a position of authority, and use your sexuality as your weapon to get what you want. Doing it over-the-top & with hidden agendas is what makes it tacky. “Some women flirt more with what they say, & some with what they do” said Anna Held. Once the physicality takes center stage, the flirtation takes on an altogether different hue.


Men openly & proudly wear the badge of a Casanova. They flirt to show off their masculinity, the ‘I am so-cool-I-can-chat-up-any-girl-I-want’ assertion, to confirm that their “market” is still alive. As for women:

“All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness & others by sense”.

Having seen the way some women have mastered the art, & indulge in it with consummate class, it makes me think it must indeed be a special skill, not easily given to everyone, & those that lack, are the ones who crib & turn moral police or don the role of the custodians of social decorum. At the other end of the spectrum, even the “sati savitri” type aunties flirt - during family functions, parties, marriages, in shopping centers & vegetable markets. What irks me is when they crucify only the young girls. You like it, you do it; why raise eyebrows when someone younger than you does it?

“No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to know that, there is a nice man who wishes, that she were not” - Henry Louis

Someone finds you attractive, pays you some attention – take it lightly, don’t take it to heart; don’t take it home either! The line between light flirtation & coming on too strong is very thin & it’s sometimes better to steer clear of disaster than playing with fire. One way to know if it has crossed any limits is to see if it makes you uncomfortable. If yes, be vocal about it to the person, through words & gestures & discourage it altogether to save yourself from unnecessary headaches in the future! Someone said it well:

“Flirting is the art of keeping intimacy at a safe distance”.

It makes one feel attractive, lends positivity but it takes two very mature individuals to set the boundaries & not cross the line.

185 comments:

  1. hats off to fabricating ur posts with such honesty and boldness to bare ur heart! marvel ur style!

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  2. "What irks me is when they crucify only the young girls. You like it, you do it; why raise eyebrows when someone younger than you does it?" ---- Thank you for this line! WORD!

    Your new follower :)

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    1. hahah Akila that line seems to have touched a raw nerve !!

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  3. You are so right about making sure to keep it safe and keep the boundaries. Too many times I've seen innocent flirting heading in a not so innocent direction- and than it is sad repercussions for all concerned.

    I love to flirt with my husband ;) -- but if I were to catch him flirting with anyone else- oh boy- he knows where I keep my scissors...of course, in his line of work it is NOT appropriate for him to flirt even in jest (he is a pastor of a church)- he could get in BIG trouble if he ever tried that- so I guess the innocent flirting also depends on what job you are involved in. ha ha

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    1. He is a P-A-S-T-O-R!!!!!!!!!!! ohhhhhhhh! yes yes yes BIGGGGG trouble then :O

      that's a good point Connie: flirting with one's spouse - nothing like it - reliving old times :)
      it is my favorite past-time too :))

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  4. Whenever I read your posts, I feel like trudging along serpentine mountain roads with a spirit of adventure! Extremely well crafted, you are a fantastic writer Sujatha.I have nothing to say about the topic since you have said it all and I agree to each and every syllable here.

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    1. wow that serpentine mountain roads thing is quite a lovely comment. thank you Arnab

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  5. A healthy flirt makes your friendship more deep.......

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  6. i love ur posts. this one was best.

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  7. Nicely written.So long as both parties understand it is just innocent flirting for fun, it may be harmless.But if one puts more meaning into it than the other,problems arise.

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    1. Flirting is good for life as long as one doesn't cross the line. This should do wonders to lovers while romancing!!!! May be if you are in love, you are destimed to cross the line.

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    2. KP Sir,

      true, unnecessary problems can easily crop up if one is not careful and aware

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    3. Sriram,

      yup, the "laxman rekha" is critical :)

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  8. Perhaps the favorite pastime in which everyone indulges but as you rightly said within the limits of comfort:)Lovely writing, Sujatha!

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    1. thank you Sir :)
      yes, the sense of comfort or discomfort is the key thing

      Delete
  9. Another great write-up and an interesting topic to discuss. I agree with every point you have mentioned, flirting is okay to a certain extent unless it doesn't cross each other's comfort zone. :)

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    1. thank you Akshay
      yeah, if someone feels uncomfortable, then time to step back

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  10. Boundaries -- now setting them right is the biggest challenge. Everyone flirts. Just because one is married, one does not cease being a human being ;-). And I like Henry Louis's quote the best!

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  11. achha if i wink does that count as flirting?

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    1. muh mein paani tapka ke aankh maroge toh then - NO. :D

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  12. So every girl likes light flirting.. nice tip :)

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  13. How very well written. It's great to read so extensively on this subject. Thanks...

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    1. "extensively" !! hehhe just a page actually..."experts" can ramble on a lot longer i guess :))
      thanks for reading

      Delete
  14. Some people force others to flirt with them. Not that they achieve their objectives. One never knows when these seemingly innocent gestures go to the next level. I am not a fan of flirting, especially in work-places. It distracts one from doing their work in the right way.

    Destination Infinity

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    1. "force" --- ouch!

      it is a distraction alright - for some a welcome distraction, for some disturbing. as long as one conveys it to the person, things will be fine i guess

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  15. Flirting is an art and it's a fun game as long as taken in the right way. Laugh, have fun, know your limits and move on...

    Loved coming back here yet again.

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  16. “All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness & others by sense”.- very true!! Many women won't admit to it...but flirting kind of perks us up esp. when we are aware of the effect we are having on the object of our admiration!!

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  17. I have always admired with the way you write what is so true and what you have in ur heart. Good and bold Well done .. hats off to you :)

    flirting is healthy if done in positive way but most of the times it gets out of hand also depend with who we flirt with :)

    Bikram's

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    1. definitely depends on with who we flirt! :))
      missed that point in the post - thanks Bikram - well said :D

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  18. Brilliant.....nothing to say more than this.....!!!

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  19. Great post Sujatha..
    Liked the title of the post..
    Have you given your article to any newspaper..?
    Your article has universal appeal..
    Abt me I brought so many brand new smile on other by having this flirt nature..
    I liked this post very much.

    Keep rocking..!!

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  20. awesome post :) its true, gals like to flirt :) but i read this some where, "In between the flirts, falling in love happens" :P but its different. must say, honest post :) :) healthy flirts are good na, they make you laugh, feel funny, blush at times, feel light hearted, get close to some one etc :) <3d this post :)

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    1. yup, they make you laugh, blush...always a nice feeling :)))
      thanks Uma

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  21. Your selection of topics and the way of writing giving your opinions with open mind are excellent. Keep it up.

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  22. Hey, you have a hot topice there! But you have carved out the morals nicely out of the topic. Harmless flirting surely perks up everyone. However, it shouldn't be done with a selfish end in mind. I quite enjoyed reading it.

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    1. absolutely US - once we get all calculative & start scheming,then the lightheartedness goes out

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  23. Another great post...well written...

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  24. We must admire your guts to declare that u love flirting...Loved all the quotes..very well written..u said all

    Flirting in men keeps their libido alive and in women their desire to be desirable..Both are related to basics of life,so it would not be wrong to say that flirting makes us feel alive

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    1. it does make one feel alive and it takes a strange kind of person to deny this simple fact!

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  25. interesting topic
    flirting its very difficult art

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  26. This reminds me of "a deadly item in a chotta pack"- a lovely friend who kept telling me about the very thin line between flirtation and disaster at college. She is some1 who knew where to stop and why. I respect her for that.

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    1. hahah "chotta pack" - liked that

      and as for your friend - worth the respect - for her level-headedness

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  27. haha..very well written sweetie! you have said it all..loved the quotes

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  28. Nice topic i loved it ..you post made me to remember a girl in my PG class who used to flirt everyone lol .But i wont agree with your quote ...not all women are flirts.I hope for girls its an easy art ..hehe

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    1. yeah well that's ok Sheril , not everyone will agree to that quote :)

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  29. “All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness & others by sense”.

    Absolutely vouch for this... I have always felt this to be true... I have been often labeled as a 'male chauvinist' for passing such statements.. women know how to flirt graciously.. its a talent isn't it?? ;))))

    Not very sure about aunties flirting.. must have during their zamana...

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    1. it is surely a talent if done graciously :)

      ayyo u haven't seen aunties flirting! they are a sight, i tell you - very amusing but i have witnessed the bit creepy kind too :D

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  30. Wonderful post. I liked the quote “Flirting is the art of keeping intimacy at a safe distance”.

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  31. yeah that's all there is to it if one is level-headed. otherwise of course it can and does lead to problems
    thank you Ashwini

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  32. Hey Sujatha! what a writer you are!

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  33. I do take time to dress to office, because I do like the appreciation or the glances which I get, even though I am married. It surely works has a postive factor.

    But really it irks me, when people continue to pester or drop random emails, or keep complementing you everyday. This then, becomes the time to start ignoring that person.

    And yes I too do flirt, smile casually, say a smiley hello, or appreciate a nice shirt, if it is worthy. But using it for favours, is downright low class!

    On the profile pic, very very stylish :-)

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    1. agree with you Jenny - some just don't get the message & can be quite irritating with their overtures. big time bores! :DD

      as for the pic - thanks :)

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  34. LOL! I totally love the flow of your words Sujatha! I'm in real awe of your writing.You are one of the few bloggers I take inspiration from! :)

    And yes, I know how women behave these days .Gawd, makes me wonder what they are trading their lives for, playing sex with a boss despite being married just to win a promotion.What is this world becoming eventually? I still don't understand such women and men.I love your second picture.So apt and downright gutsy-funny!! :)

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    1. you made my day! thanks Jen :)

      hahaa true isn't that second pic quite reminiscent of some of the actual scenes / scenarios from our some of our offices! they stoop - literally & figuratively :D

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  35. What an analysis on flirting yaar!! :) And true enough!! I have been in corporate environment for almost 5 yrs now and know how things work here.. There are all types of people - people who just want to feel good abt themselves, people who use their sexuality and so on..

    Great post!! :)

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    1. 5 years!!! that's it?? ohhh....i thought you had lot more experience than that. you are very very young then :))

      thanks for the comment Binu - with my 9+ years of corporate experience, ek page ka post toh banta hai on this topic :DD

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  36. Abhaaaaaaaa ri Sujatha, just tell me from where do you get topics and awesome agi you have penned it superb ri :D keep them coming

    and dont u think this is vice versa ;)
    “No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to know that, there is a nice man who wishes, that she were not” - Henry Louis

    AND I AM A PROUD FLIRT ;) lol

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    1. ayyo i wrote this title, bari title matra Ramya, some months back - just couldn't write anything then - too tricky.
      so thanks :)

      as for the last line - hhahaha i believe it :)

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  37. I agree flirting is real fun.. Enjoyed your post and loved the way u have cooked it..

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    1. "cooked" it - hmm...that's a new expression
      thanks Sonia, m glad you liked the post :)

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  38. If I complimented someone on their lovely name, long hair, manner of speaking, their thoughts, their writing or dapper clothes would I be flirting? Then I guess I'm resigned to being an outrageous flirt.

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  39. I think both genders will vouch for flirting(within boundaries - as you have stressed) because it is basic human nature in vying to be accepted and appreciated by the social construct surrounding us and Flirting does precisely that.

    You choose your topics very well and write them even better.

    Cheers :)

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    1. thanks a lot
      yup, a genuine appreciation from a nice person never hurt anyone :)

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  40. This issue breathes in the society but has not got any shape until you wrote about it.

    It takes Sujatha to sense such nuances of society.

    Just Wonderful!

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    1. "it takes Sujatha...." - hahahha Neeraj...you are the master of the art of commenting. seriously. i have seen your comments on other blogs too and they are always unique. time you gave some tips to the rest of us :))

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  41. u researched a lot on the topic... :P ;)

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    1. ji utna bhi nai...bas quotes ke liye google gayi thi :DD

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  42. Very interesting ! You have the knack of making unsaid thoughts & feelings sound so very plausible & normal,good going!

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  43. I think you brought out the science behind the art they like to call "flirting". :) And you handled a very difficult topic exquisitely and expertly. You are absolutely right.. Flirting is actually good until you have an overdose.

    "Someone finds you attractive, pays you some attention – take it lightly, don’t take it to heart; don’t take it home either!" - Loved this line. Very funny yet thought provoking too. And some lovely quotes too.

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    1. you always get me. truly, this was one of the most difficult pieces Raj
      and the quotes - thanks to google :D

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  44. Ah, well as long as one knows where to draw the line, flirting may be fun.

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    1. true it is fun but one needs to know to handle oneself well
      thanks for reading :)

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  45. ah, there you go.
    waiting to read something refreshing like this one.
    keep writing.

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  46. :-)

    Vary true. Let them flirt and enjoy. Sati savithris I mean, but the way they crucify others, my God! I have seen it so much.( may be jealous of others being better flirts), Working in a big organisation exposes one, to all kinds of cruelties too. Yes, I have seen it all!!!

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    1. :)) we connected well on this one pretty nicely, thanks for reading and delighted to hear from you

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  47. A very well researched post :) Agree with you absolutely! Yes, within the limit is fine....

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    1. oh so nice to hear from you after very long Ruprekha, thanks for stopping by :)
      yes, the limit is the keyword as some situations can get tricky

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  48. Interesting topic.. I was curious the moment I saw the title on Indi ... Overall sensible approach and well presented

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    1. glad you came over to read, appreciate it. thanks for the comment :)

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  49. Healthy flirting is always nice. BTW, I was writing something mentioning flirting in it. As you said, we have to be sure that we don't cross the line and don't use it for personal favors but it always happens. At least from what I have seen, things end up on an unhealthy note.

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    1. yeah very common scene - things go overboard and start looking messy once it is misused

      and you are "good" at it - ahem ahem :)

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  50. BTW, I can flirt and I am good at it. :P

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  51. Flirting gives you an ego boost! And it's great to receive it too. Like you mentioned, it's always good for a married woman to be approached by a man, who'd wish she weren't married!

    I cannot flirt really well. I would rather, try and get into and immediate intelligent dicussion, and then draw an interest. But I really cannot show off the dress I wear, approach a man with a naughty stare, nor can I make any passes! I wish I did that more!

    But yes, I've had encounters where people flirted with me, and I wouldn't lie, I loved it!:D :D :D

    Great post Sujatha, yet again! :)

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    1. it is definitely an ego boost especially if coming from someone "really nice" :))

      thanks Mi

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  52. oh yes...i flirt with my husband all the time!!

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    1. the best candidate! :) refreshes memories and brings such a rush

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  53. in very light words u presented this topic :D
    otherwise it takes only a sentence to start a virtual debate, which is commonplace these days..

    as u said and many others too that healthy flirting is good.... it eases out the ambiance in many ways :)

    Nice read as ever !!

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    1. yeah that is right - one line is enough to start a heated exchange and frankly, this was pretty tough to write on. took a long time :(
      thanks for the comment Jyoti :)

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    2. yep I can feel the efforts n caution u took :)
      u did a grt job !!

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  54. Of Course You are... :)
    Nice post!!!

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    1. excuse me? """of course you are""" !!!!!! that's a strange line coming from a total stranger

      anyways, glad you liked the post :)

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    2. Well, Well, Well... You were a stranger till I read this post and then it was obvious :)

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  55. what a flirty post ,..
    the message is loud and clear ... it's all about flirting!!!

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  56. Good post...
    Enjoyed reading it. :)

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  57. Enjoyed it.The thing is what reaction it will have on the boy you are in love with? In fact your flirting(innocent) and its limits are set by this love in your life.

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  58. The way you write is as beautiful as you are (flirting..lol)
    Loving & following your blow from now on.

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    1. thanks Mak - for reading, commenting, and following :)

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  59. What a fun it is when the element of flirtation in on a leash.

    Also what you have said at the end,"it takes two very mature individuals to set the boundaries & not cross the line" with which I can't agree more.

    Nice post as usual.Keep rocking. :)

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  60. Very well written! Good to get to know a woman's point of view about flirting! I believe flirting is what most of us males indulge in more as a birthright & less by understanding the intricacies of it as an art. This may leave a guy pleased with himself but surely turn off the woman. So I hope, more guys read this post & understand the difference. Cheers.

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    1. "pleased with himself but turn off the woman" ---- how true how true! well-said Ashish that's what happens most of the times & that is why many women crib about these "loafers" and "lechs" :DDDD

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  61. lovely post... :D
    You speak the truth boldly.. i like that :)
    Let's hang on to that thin line and revel this life!

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    1. yes, stay on this side of the line & revel :)))

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  62. You actually reflected the truth and the topic is common but nobody thought to write on it..a nice post..

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    1. had written the tile some months back & left it like that :( couldn't write then

      thanks Ruchi for reading

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  63. aha girl... you shocked me by the title..i thought oh waht happened to tha lady that she is opendly announcing her being a flirt :P

    yes you are 200% right... the problem starts only when people take flirts into phyicality and then the other relation starts and leads to so many bad things and disaster... light hearted jokes are one thing but serious intimacy and dare i say unfaithfulness is another... but not many people understand the difference....
    very nice post...thank you :)

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    1. hahah you must have thought, "has she gone insane? very likely too :DD""

      yup, you phrased it well Israr - things turn ugly because people read too much into it or get into it for gains & then it gets too messy

      thanks for reading :)

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  64. Very interesting ! The heading itself of this post is quite catching. I am also in favour of flirting in the limited, harmless/ damage-less sense. If a few carefully chosen words can give happiness to a person or help enhance his/ her self esteem , I should go all for this. Problem, however, may arise if either of the parties, takes it too seriously.
    Nice post, as usual !

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    1. thank you aarkay
      true, it is no child's play. needs maturity to handle some delicate situations

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  65. hmmmm..... quite an insight!!

    http://sushmita-smile.blogspot.in/

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  66. theres a thin line between healthy flirting and not so healthy flirting and yuo have expressd it only 2well here sujatha:)loved the aunties flirting at weddings bit:p hehehehe

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    1. hihihh you must have watched them too - they are mast time-pass to watch from a distance in an otherwise boring marriage function :DD

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  67. Very very candid and well crafted post apart from selecting a very vivacious topic....Interesting ..

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    1. thank you so much Mohan, glad you enjoyed reading the post
      welcome to Conversations :) and thanks for the follow

      Delete
  68. Blockbuster post, flirting is feminine and seduction is masculine is my take. ENDING seems to be anti climax

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    1. welcome Sir - after a long time - pleased to see you :)

      that is an interesting insight - flirting is feminine and seduction masculine - quotable quotes

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  69. Simply awesome!!!

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  70. Daring entry. :-) Flirt away. We want more chicks like you. I am speaking on behalf of all the guys

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    1. sorry to burst your bubble but i am no "chick"
      i am a 35 year old "auntie" with a 5 year old daughter :DDD

      jokes apart, welcome to 'Conversations' :) and you said it right this indeed was a "daring entry" as far as the writing it part goes

      Delete
  71. Interesting title sorry for not visiting your blog so long what else I said you know you are the best b/w I love flirty people lolz Want to share one more quote.."Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?"..;)

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    1. haha that was a great quote!

      der se aaye par aaye toh sahi :) so it's ok Shoaib that you visited the blog after very long

      Delete
  72. Hi Sujatha, Interesting post, delivered with some punchline quotes:) Good post!

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    1. thank you Swapna - thanks to Google for the punchline quotes :))

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  73. recently i saw "the dirty picture"..and this one's after that with some serious punch lines!!!

    brilliantly written but Sujatha i guess being flirtatious is not the in thing, nowadays, SEXY is the word to complement and keep distant relations (sources: national newspapers recently publishing this!) :P

    btw, you've been tagged:
    rahul-aggarwal.blogspot.in/2012/03/tagged-tag-thon.html

    regards
    rahul

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    1. that was an interesting and surprising comparison Rahul - The Dirt Picture one because i didn't have it in my mind at all when i wrote this

      must start reading newspapers :D missed out on the current 'in' thing

      thanks for the tag :)

      Delete
  74. Oh! You're no aunty. I don't know why but Aunty sounds like a sad word. Hey! Thanks for the warm welcome to "conversations".

    Here! I have tagged you- http://abhyudayadoses.blogspot.in/2012/03/dreaded-eleven-questions-tag.html

    Answer these 11 deadly questions

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    1. 11 questions! oh sounds scary already - will check it out :)
      thanks (or no thanks!!! depending on the questions) for the tag :DDDD

      Delete
    2. Hehe... :) Cheers! (Or no cheers!)

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  75. Stumbled upon your blog. What a brave bold post! Loved the quote about women's flirting. Can't agree more. Flirting is fun, it's healthy at times..it builds up a good camaraderie..as long as the boundaries are well established. But sometimes this causes problems too even if one of the parties tries to take it really series!

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    1. yes, if one gets serious, it can do a lot of damage.

      thanks for 'stumbling' into my blog. appreciate the time you took to read & respond to the post :)

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  76. You are very honest Sujatha.Love you :)

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  77. nice read!!

    http://sushmita-smile.blogspot.in

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  78. Loved all the quotes - they are like little nuggets of truth!!

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  79. i wont agree with yew quote that all girls are flirt :P
    i agree flirting is awesome experiance, skill typo nd use for their works
    but eventually girls flirt only with their close ones :P
    nd girls who filrts with each nd every one are considered as bitches :P

    nd No doubt over flirting may result to a dangerous level for them as we can see in day to day life :P !!

    btn nyc post :D

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    1. i agree - over-flirting is dangerous and sometimes downright cheap too esp when done with some ulterior motive. the post is only about healthy harmless flirting which all of us at one time have indulged in

      thanks for reading the post and responding to it Prince Taurus :)
      what's ur name by the way?

      Delete
  80. Excellant post Sujatha!!! :) Do keep writing such posts... :)

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    1. aww! now that is going to be a bit difficult :DD

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  81. heheheh totally loved it.. and that statement by Henry Louis.. so true...it gives such a high to know that someone wishes I was his :D :D :D... lekin dangerous bhi ho sakta hai ha :)

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    1. absolutely - dangerous bhi ho sakta hai! aag se khelne maafik!

      Delete
  82. “Flirting is the art of keeping intimacy at a safe distance”.

    Classic! :) :D Loved your blog so much! :) DO write more often (I know I'm not allowed to make such demands. :D But I had a gala time reading up your posts!)
    Edible Entertainment

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  83. Kudos to you Sujata. What a mature handling of such a sensitive subject. The narration, the message and the sayings all beautifully placed. Worth a second read...

    http://neoimaginations.blogspot.in/

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  84. Excellent Post. And so true expression of yourself :) Cheers.

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