From Your Partner’s Wardrobe

What would you borrow from your partner’s wardrobe? I have absolutely no clue what the men would want to take from their woman’s wardrobe but I am sure many women would love to trade their man’s white shirt. After all, most men do have a great range of formal white shirts. [Aside: just wondering: why on earth do they really have those many whites? So that it makes them, the mean monsters, look decent & genteel?]

You have heard of the saying “size does matter”, right? It surely does in my case. Considering my man is a towering six footer, & me a Lilliput at five feet, there really isn’t much I can borrow from his wardrobe, without ending up looking like a drag queen. What can I, a petite woman at 50kg, take from the wardrobe of a man who is a little over 98 kg & still counting? Well, nothing except his bath towel! The one that discolors within two days of being used? How gross! No, thank you. Or maybe his handkerchiefs! Hell, no! Not that.

What a pity!

If I COULD [note: ‘could’ being the operative word here. I can’t, because his foot is a like mini cricket bat, for which he shops asking for “the last size (meaning something beyond size 12!)& still doesn’t find one that fits him!]; I really wish I could borrow his black Red Tape shoes: elegant, classy, and sturdy. You see, women’s shoes are mostly elegant, classy but rarely sturdy. No, I am not talking about floaters.

But since I can’t, I may have to settle for his collection of deodorants. On second thoughts, no…not that either. Imagine me, walking around town, Axe sprayed all over me. And imagine still, the reactions of a special category of men who are turned on by a woman with a ‘manly’ scent! Or worse, the disapproving glances of another, more normal category of men who really like a woman to smell like one. No, this won’t do.

Since clothes, & shoes are ruled out & the thought of borrowing his bath towel is freaking me out, I am left with no option but to borrow a quality about him that I entirely lack & jo usme koot koot ke bhara hai. His charm! What I really would like to take from him would be his charm.

But wait…no, sorry, I take that back. I am definitely not going to talk about his charming ways (with women, men, and the world). After all, the one important take-away from blogging that I’ve chanced upon is: “Don’t praise your spouse in your blog”. That line in italics, bold & underlined. He gets away with all the adulation and you are left stranded. My readers (both fellow bloggers & old friends) have remarked about “he seems to be a nice guy”, or something to the tune of “how sweet of him”, & so on & so forth. Arey…topic ke baare mein soche hum, pura essay type karen hum, apne aap se baaten karte huye pagal dikhe hum, aur phal lejaye patidev? BASSS! Ab aur nahin!

So, here I am. I have finally arrived at my considered decision & that decision is: I am not borrowing anything from my partner’s wardrobe for reasons elaborately orchestrated above. Uff…what a humongous waste of time this entire exercise has been!

A couple & An Office

Is it okay for couples to work together in the same office? I wouldn’t. I’m not comfortable with the idea. Lovers in the same office … ohhh yaaa!! Wink! Wink! Married couples...oh NOO!!

In fact, within a month of marrying Sathya, a colleague, I left the job & joined elsewhere. (He, on the contrary, left soon after, saying he was used to seeing & having me around & just couldn’t go back to the office now since I wasn’t there).

If they’re in different departments, like we were, the situation is still ok. At least, they’re not constantly bumping into each other or clashing over roles & responsibilities. The demarcations are clear, there are lesser chances of an over-lap & hence relatively easier to “do your own thing”. But God bless the couple in the same department with similar profiles…ooo!

Appraisals, tiffs with seniors, all these are sore points. If one of them is appreciated & gets a hike/promotion & the other is neglected professionally, it’ll affect their personal equation back home too. And god forbid if it happens to be the woman who is being applauded at work & the man degraded. An ‘Abhimaan’ like scenario wouldn’t be too far-fetched. The sulking partner, quite understandably, won’t be able to get over his failure & not be able to rejoice in the spouse’s success. The successful partner, if it’s the wife, would feel guilty for her success & would be torn between celebration & sorrow.

Plus the social interaction gets limited for both. If either one of them is the suspicious, overly jealous kind, then it’s the end of all ‘harmless recreations’ (read: flirting) for the other partner.

Also, any emergencies at home would affect both of them equally which would mean absence of two employees at a time.

The worst part is when support each other primarily because they’re married & not because of the virtue of the idea in question. That by itself limits healthy discussion of issues & thereby the solution we as a group might chance upon. There is bound to be too much subjectivity in every situation.

I’ve witnessed a similar case in one of my previous work places. Every time we needed a poll, the husband-wife duo would be one tough nut to crack. They’d have ‘one’ opinion & in situations of majority v/s minority, they usually won hands down. Of course, the decisions wouldn’t be based on this; but the time it took to make the TWO of them come around to our point-of-view was, I always felt, such a huge waste of precious time & effort.

I completely understand & empathize with HR personnel on their reservations on this matter & why they’re usually wary of situations like this. The issues that crop are always too hot to handle; Ego, Timing, Objectivity, Comfort, Team Dynamics. In my case, however, it was the most important issue: ‘the too much of a good thing’ issue.

[P.S: Family businesses are a different ball-game & do not come under the purview of this post.]

Opposites Attract

Do they, really? Yes, they do. Do they last? Not really. Not always.

Opposites make great romances. For marriage, there has to be a number of things in common for the couple to make it work & to live happily ever after.

During courtship, being with a different (as in, different from you) person, keeps the tempo high. The relationship is alive & kicking, as every day, you discover new facets to one another hitherto unknown & hence very appealing. Your tastes in music, movies, leisure, food, & fashion are vastly different & that gives an opportunity for you to explore the other side of the road.

In a marriage, however, not being able to enjoy the same things means trouble; at least in the long run. Imagine a husband who loves the movies & late nights & impromptu get-togethers while the wife’s idea of entertainment is shopping in Big Bazaar. It spells trouble to me. Or if the wife loves partying, window-shopping, eating in fancy restaurants & the hubby dear is averse to it. All he wants to do is come back from work & snooze during the week. And during the weekends, snooze some more. Trouble again; more so, if one of the partners, especially the wife, is particularly aggressive of her needs & wants.

If she is docile & subservient & always jhukoas her head & says ‘haanji’ to every command that drips out of her pati parmeshwar’s lips, all is well. But we all know how many of this particular species of women are left in the world today!

I, for one, can’t bear to sit aside & watch life go by. Would detest a life of ‘happy domesticity’, which correctly translated means, being confined to the four walls of the kitchen, to cook & clean, & to obey the mostly nonsensical diktats of the husband. To hell with it! I’d rather go solo, any day, than live in such servitude.

Luckily for me, my pati dev & I do share a lot in common. We both get bored by the eleventh minute of an hour. And so we’re always up to something.

Differences…there are a few. Money & childcare are two major things we, ok I, fight about. He is pathetic with both money & a child. His mindless spending was a danger sign I should’ve heeded to before marriage. He believes in “Aaj ka ab, kal ka kal dekhenge” and sermonizes to me saying, “Worry not, my sweet child. If God takes care of the little sparrow, how much more will he take care of me”. He hasn’t ever read the Bible.

As for raising a child, don’t even get me started.

But we live on. And move on.

Strangely, I would rather be with him than anyone else. Because at the end of it all, he is the only one who can make me laugh, right through my tears, & melt, in the middle of a volcanic burst of anger.

Sathya - My One & Only Husband

I met him when I was 28. We were colleagues – for a short time. He joined UTL (in Whitefield) in March & in June (of the same year) we were man & wife!! My life now revolves around him, the father of my child.

From Sathya, I’ve learned to be selfish. It’s the single most important lesson of my life. He has also taught me to be supremely self-confident. I’ve suffered from bouts of low self-esteem for the longest time in my life. And this, in spite of having a truly blessed life, with many academic & professional achievements.

Patience is another thing. He can wait for things to happen - for as long as it takes. For me, the time lag between thought & action is not more than 5 seconds or 5 minutes depending on what the task is. I am programmed with only 2 commands: think – do. For him, it’s think, think, think, do. I am hyper, very impulsive. He is calm & collected. He may be a 1000 times more excited than me but you couldn’t know from his face.

I am my face. His face is just the tip of the iceberg.

Janam janam ka saath – saath janmo tak?? Oh No! No way! I tell him, "Iss janam mein bahut seh liya tumhe. Ab at least in the next janam, let me be with a new, interesting, super rich, industrialist with a private yacht, & island!"

He wants Lara Dutta!!

Humour has kept our marriage alive. I would rather be with a poor, funny man than with a rich, boring man.

Every Couple's Love Song

Every couple has their signature love song when they are seeing each other. A dating song if u can say so. A song that was a hit during their courtship days.The tune that resonates in their hearts for months and years to come. The song that invariably becomes THEIR song.

When I listen to the mesmerizing number from Kites:
“Zindagi ….

Do pal ki
Intezaar kab tak

hum karenge bhala
Tumse pyar kab tak

naakarenge bhala”

I wonder how many love-struck couples are swaying to it. Or playing it to each other.Or exchanging coy, meaningful glances every time it is played.Or dedicating it to one another during musical nights.Because to them it is “their” song. The song that expresses how they feel. The song that does all the talking for them. The words seem right out of their own longing hearts.

I remember the time when Sathya& I were seeing each other in the summer of 2005. Our love song (in Kannada) was
“Preethi yeke bhoomi melidey
Bereyellu jaaga illavey
Nanney yeke preethi madidey
Nanna haage yaru illavey”

It was the hello tune for me on his phone. I remember waiting for him endlessly. He would say “5 minutes” & not turn up before an hour. I’d go mad & call him up every 30 sec! And when I did, the track would play & it’d melt my heart away. And then when I finally see his “late” face (the face that was late in appearing), my anger would completely evaporate.

Sathya would listen to a number from NusratFateh Ali Khan. Especially when he was dead drunk on Saturday nights.